Page 88 of Secret Bratva Baby
I smile at her. What is best for her? What is best for me?
Should I leave?
What am I supposed to do?
Could I stay here, even if he didn’t love me, and endure an empty relationship for the sake of my child having a good life? It would be so unfair of me to take all of this away from her. But what would I be teaching her if I chose to be lonely so that we could enjoy his wealth?
I wish I had someone to talk to. Someone who could guide me or give me advise. It’s times like these that not having a family weighs heavily on me.
I’ve thought about talking to one of his sisters. Jade is sweet, level-headed, and very kind to me. But they arehisfamily. Of course, they would take his side. His sisters would be obligated to stay loyal to him, making choices that would be best for him.
I sigh, lifting one of the throw pillows and setting it on my lap so that I can fidget with the cream colored tassels on each corner.
I tug at the string, biting my lip.
“Mommy, look,” Lily calls out, showing me the ramps she made using a book and some of her building blocks. She scoots the truck onto it and over the edge.
“Wow, don’t crash,” I smile.
I feel terrible. I’m not even in the right frame of mind to be a good mother to my daughter.
Ihave tospeak to someone.
The only person I can think of who is really getting good advice from is Tania. She’s amazing at looking at situations without emotions clouding her advice. She has a knack for seeing them for what they are instead of what I mightwantthem to be. But the last time I called her, they traced it and raided the safehouse. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take. Unless there is some other way I can get around it.
It’s another sleepless, stressful night.
By the morning of the third day, I’m desperately miserable, and I decide to call her. I’ve thought about it longenough that I’m confident I can do it without putting anyone at risk.
Instead of using a cell phone, I can use the house phone, which has security programs and firewalls stopping people from being able to hack into it. I can talk to her without worrying that someone can trace it to my location.
It’s almost ten in the morning when I pull up outside Jade’s house. Lily was invited to a playdate at Jade’s place. Mila is also there with Jade’s kids and Aly, and I’m so happy for her to have some children to spend time with.
“Hello, sweetheart.” Jade hugs Lily as she runs into the house.
“Hi, Rose. Are you ready for a relaxed day by the pool?” she says, holding the door open for me.
“I’m so sorry, I can’t stay.” I pull my mouth to the side.
“What? No, you have to. We’ve made cocktails. Mila will watch the kids. We can tan and relax. We really wanted you here, too. I just assumed you were definitely coming.” She pouts her lip out.
“I’m so sorry.” I laugh. “I have some things I need to do, and I never get a chance to get things done with Lily and Luka around.”
Jade rolls her eyes. “Okay, yes, I understand. It’s probably the first free day you’ve ever had,” she chuckles.
Luka is at work, and this might be the only chance I really have to talk to my friend.
And I really need this.
“Exactly.” I smile at her. “I can come by after I’m finished. Maybe there will be some cocktails left over.”
She scrunches her nose. “Don’t count on it. But we can always make more.”
As I walk back to my car, I let out a sigh of relief. I’m happy she didn’t make a bigger deal out of it. I wanted my excuse to sound as natural as possible so that I didn’t ring any alarm bells—I don’t want her calling Luka and asking him what’s going on.
I drive fast back to the house. There’s no way to know how long he’ll be at the office today, and I don’t want to miss this opportunity.
When I get home, he isn’t there, so I go straight to his study.
