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Lizzie
“BE NORMAL WHEN MY FRIENDS COME OVER,” CAOIMHE SAID. “DON’T DO ANYTHINGembarrassing, okay?” She turned around to look at me. “No screaming fits or throwing yourself around on the floor.”
I nodded in understanding.
“God.” She shook her head. “I wish you would just speak, Lizzie!”
I shrugged.
“How am I supposed to know you even understand me if you won’ttalk?”
I didn’t like it when I made her mad.
It made me feel bad.
It made my face grow hot.
It made my nails get scratchy.
“No,” Caoimhe warned, attention moving to my scratchy nails. She stood up from her dressing table and walked over to the bed. “You are not allowed to do that.” Crouching down in front of me, she took my hands in hers and looked in my eyes. “You arenotallowed to hurt yourself.”
I’m sorry, I wanted to tell her.I don’t know how to make it stop.
Instead, I reached up and touched her cheek.
Her blue eyes started to water. “Please talk to me.” Sniffling, she swept me up in her arms and held me to her chest. “Please, Liz, just one word. I’m begging you.”
I’m trying.
NOVEMBER 12, 1991
Lizzie
“CONSIDERING HER FREQUENT VIOLENT OUTBURSTS AT NURSERY AND TAKING INTOaccount the strong family history, I would like to start Elizabeth on a treatment plan.”
“When you say treatment, are you talking about counseling?”
“And medication.”
“She’s three and a half,” Mammy strangled out. “All three-year-olds throw tantrums for Christ’s sake.”
“Those aren’t tantrums, Catherine, and you know it,” Daddy replied. “Give it to us straight, Doc. What’s the diagnosis?”
“It’s too early to tell.”
“But you have a theory, don’t you?” he pushed. “You think she has it, doesn’t she?”
“Not necessarily, but there is evidence to suggest Elizabeth is experiencing psychotic episodes. What concerns me is her lack of awareness and the frequent blackout episodes.” He twisted a pen between his fingers. “She appears to have no memory of what she does.”
“You don’t know that,” Mammy snapped, smoothing my hair with her hand. “You won’t know that until she starts talking.”
DECEMBER 21, 1991
Lizzie
“THIS IS AN AIRPLANE,” MAMMY EXPLAINED, WAVING HER HAND AROUND IN FRONTof us. “It’s going to fly us home to Ireland.”
I narrowed my eyes.
