Page 236 of Releasing 10
“What’s wrong?” Hugh’s voice penetrated my thoughts, and he pulled back to inspect my face with concerned, brown eyes. “Your body just went completely rigid.”
“Nothing,” I replied, looking up at him. “I was just daydreaming.”
“About me?” he teased with a playing wink.
“Yeah, Hugh.” I forced myself to smile. “About you.”
“What’s this?” he asked then, snatching up my hand.
“What’s what?”
“This.” Rolling up my sleeve, he pointed to my wrist. “What the fuck isthis, Liz?”
“Nothing,” I muttered, pulling my hand out of his and yanking my sleeve back down. “Just forget about it, okay?”
“How am I supposed to do that?” he bit out, snatching my hand back up. “You promised.”
It wasn’t the betrayal in his eyes that made my heart ache.
It was the concern.
It was the fear.
“I’m okay again, Hugh.” I forced myself to keep eye contact with him. “See.” I pointed to my smiling face. “It’s all good.”
SUMMER AT OLD HALL HOUSE
Hugh
AUGUST 28, 2000
AFTER SPENDING THE ENTIRE SUMMER CRASHING ON A BLOW-UP MATTRESS INLIZZIE’Sroom, I felt secure in the knowledge that if I didn’t make it as a cardiothoracic surgeon, I could easily turn my hand to oncology or psychiatry.
I was certainly prepared for it.
I was quite aware that my calm approach in a medical crisis was in direct contrast to most lads my age, but then again, most lads my age weren’t fascinated by aortic root surgery.
The only thing that seemed to get in my way was my heart and how it seemed to beat solely for the girl whose room I was crashing in. Because when she was in pain, holy fuck did I feel it, too.
Every night without fail, Liz would wake in a panicked state, and every night without fail, nobody would come to check on her. It didn’t matter how loud she screamed or how frantic she became; she was left alone with her demons.
The first night it happened, I remained rigid on my mattress, too afraid to go to her in case her father came into the room and thought I was getting notions—something he made implicitly clear I wasnotto get.
I understood that Catherine was too frail right now and physically incapable of coming to her daughter’s aid, but Mike had two perfectly good legs—and two perfectly good ears.
When no one showed up that night, and Liz continued to cry, I had taken matters into my own hands and climbed into bed with her. When she realized I was there, she had scrambled on top of me and clung to my body tighter than Gibsie did when he had a bad dream.
After that night, it had become a habit. Liz would wake in the middle of the night, and I would climb out of my bed and into hers. From there, she would wrap her limbs around me and hold on for dear life, while I whispered words of comfort in her ear. The crying would stop, but the violent shaking would continue until the sun came back up. She never let go until the room was bright enough to cast the shadows out, and neither did I.
Some nights she would ramble fervently about the monsters in her room, scary ladies in her head, and the nightmares that plagued her. While her late-night whispers were rarely coherent, I listened carefully to every word because I knew she was trying to tell me something important. Something her mind refused to make sense of.
Every night, I waited for my girlfriend to beckon me to her bedside, and then I listened intently, willing that brilliant mind of hers to throw me a bone to work with. Just one tiny scrap of a coherent memory so I could help her.
I knew the evidence was nonexistent, and my mother thought I was doing more harm than good by indulging her, but my heart assured me I was onto something. I’d known Liz for most of my life, and something deep inside assured me that I should trust her instincts on this. Hell, even my own gut instinct, the one that never steered me wrong, demanded Ibelieveher.
Therefore, I would continue to back her up one hundred and fifty percent both in public and in private until I took my last breath. The only thing I couldn’t support her with was her insistence on punishing Gibs for a potential crime he had no part in, and while my girlfriend was determined to condemn everymember of the Allen family, blood related or not, I reserved my condemnation solely for Mark.
I couldn’t say the past few months hadn’t been a challenge, and I’d always thought I understood my girlfriend’s mental health better than most, but I couldn’t have been more naive.
