Page 346 of Releasing 10
“Sorry if it holds any sentimental significance to you,” he sneered over his shoulder as he stomped down the steps andregathered the mattress at the bottom. “I know a girl’s first time is special.”
“Hugh, please!”
Yanking the front door open, he proceeded to stalk outside and unceremoniously dump the mattress on the front lawn.
Wiping his hands off, he turned on his heels and stomped back inside.
Again, I trailed after him, knowing that I deserved every second of this torture.
“Tell me what to do,” I begged, following him back upstairs to his bedroom. “Please, Hugh, just tell me how to fix this.”
“Oh, I don’t know, Liz. Can you go back in time and un-fuck him? Can you do that?”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Two things.” He seethed, chest heaving, as his voice cracked. “I’ve only ever asked you to do two goddamn things, and you couldn’t do either one.”
“I know, I know,” I sobbed, watching him sink to the floor and then recoil from my touch when I moved to go to him. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“I do,” he roared back at me. “You’re bipolar and not taking your goddamn medication.”
“I’msorry—”
“I can handle the mood swings. I can handle the depression. Hell, I can even handle the mania. And the crazy fucking eyes. And the way I never know if you’re going to try to fuck me or hurt me. But I can’t handle the cheating.”
“I would never hurt you.”
“Liar,” he roared, tears streaking his cheeks, as he pulled at his hair in utter distress. “Look at me, baby! Take a good fucking look!”
“I’ll do anything to fix this,” I cried, sinking to my knees beside him. “I’ll go back on my meds. I’ll go to counselling. I’ll do anything, Hugh, anything!”
“It’s too late.”
“No, no, no, it’s not,” I tried to plead, feeling frantic now. “It’s not too late, baby.”
“How the fuck is it not too late, Liz?” He dropped his head in his hands. “You’ve been fucking him ever since that night.” A pained cry tore from his chest. “Whatever hope we had of fixing it before is dead and buried now.”
“Yes, we can, we can, Hugh,” I cried, touching his arm. “I’m yours. I’ve always been yours.”
“What did you think was going to happen, Liz!” he strangled out, hooking his arms around his knees. “That we could brush it all under the carpet?”
“We can try!”
“No.” He shook his head again. “We can’t because you publicly shit on us, Liz.”
“I didn’t mean to do any of this!”
“I know, I know,” he groaned, sounding truly conflicted. “I know you’re sick. I know you don’t mean any of this, but it’s stillrealfor me. Because I’m here, Liz. I’m the collateral fucking damage.”
“Hugh…”
“I don’t have a bubble to fall into, baby. My feelings arerealand I don’t have a button to switch it off like you.”
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I tried to absorb his words. “Please don’t leave me.”
“I didn’t leave you, Liz,” he croaked, lifting his head to look at me. “You left me.”
His brown eyes were trained on mine, and I could see everything he was feeling in this moment. I couldn’t bear to see the hurt in his eyes, but somehow, I forced myself to do just that.
