Page 371 of Releasing 10
“You do it every time, ba–” My voice cracked, and I had to suck in several heaving breaths to get a handle on myself before I went on. “I can’t keep living my life like this.” Sniffling, I cradled her head in my hand. “Not sleeping because I don’t know where you are, or who you’re with, or if you’ve come off your meds and have another asshole between your legs. Because you’re manic and want to fuck anything with a pulse.” I shook my head, feeling broken. “I wish I could find a way to make this work, but I can’t, Liz. Ican’tdo this with you for another decade. I can’t plan a future with you when, at any moment, you could switch up on me and fuck someone else.” Sniffling, I pressed a kiss to her head. “And it’s not fair of you to ask me to.”
“I can’t live without you,” she cried, holding on to me as tightly as I was holding her. “I don’t want to.”
“Maybe, when some time has passed, we can be friends again,” I offered, hating the words as they came out of my mouth. Because I could never be just her friend. This was the girl I wanted beside me every day for the rest of my life. “I’malwaysgoing to love you.”
“No matter what?”
“Yeah, Liz,” I whispered, dying inside. “No matter what.”
STOLEN BURGERS AND KISSES
Hugh
DECEMBER 31, 2003
TONIGHT WASNEWYEAR’SEVE, ANDIHAD, ONCE AGAIN, BEEN COERCED BY THE LADSto go on the lash with them. I’d been dreading it all week because this year’s one would mark the first in a decade that I wouldn’t be spending with Liz.
I missed her so fucking much, I couldn’t breathe, and no amount of anything could make it better.
I’d been dreading going out tonight but was pleasantly surprised when Feely suggested we head across town to the disco BCS was throwing at the GAA Pavilion.
Surrounded by mostly strangers, it was a hell of a lot easier to loosen up and enjoy myself. Oh, and the naggin of vodka we each necked in the bushes beforehand hadn’t hurt matters, either.
Pissed as a fart, I’d stumbled around the pavilion for most of the night with my three best friends, sometimes dancing but mostly warding off girls.
Johnny, on the other hand, had been lured behind the curtains at the back of the hall by the femalesecurity guard, who I could only presume, was following through on her promise ofblowing his world.
Meanwhile, Gibs was too busy falling in love with himself to give anyone else a second glance, while Feely had his eye on a cute, little redhead on the dance floor.
“Goddamn, I’m something else,” Gibsie declared, gliding across the dance floor to “Pony” like he was the love child ofSnoop Dogg and John Travolta. “The big man upstairs spared no expenses when he made Gerard Gibson, I tell ya.”
Gibs was the best dancer in the county, and the fucker knew it. It didn’t matter what music was playing, the snake-hipped flanker had the perfect moves for every beat.
“If you were a cake, you’d eat yourself, Gibs.”
“Damn straight I would,” he wholeheartedly agreed, whipping off his shirt to flex his pecs. “Have you seen me?” Grinning, he kissed his bicep and rolled his hips like a damn porn star. “I’m fucking delicious.” And then he pulled out all the stops, dropping to the floor to perform the sluttiest worm move I’d ever seen.
The high-pitched sound of screaming girls was feral, as a horde of them surrounded Gibs, who was dry humping the floor better than any stripper.
“Let’s see him get out of this one,” Feely slurred, watching our friend get swallowed up by the mob.
Drunk, I leaned against the wall at my back for support, while Feely staggered toward me. “Lad, you’re worse than me,” I laughed when he started to lean to one side like the Tower of Pisa.
“Did ya get the shift yet, Hughie?” he slurred, resting a hip against the wall next to me.
“Not happening, Pa.” Drunk or not, I was nowhere near ready forthat.
“Yeah, it fucking is,” Feely agreed, sidling up to my other. “It’s a done deal, lad.”
The DJ started the ten-second countdown to the New Year, and it caused a tsunami of pain to rise up inside me.
Fuck.
Liz.
“Ah, you’ll have a New Year’s kiss,” Feely pushed in a coaxing tone, gaze trained in on someone on the dance floor. “Come on,lad.” He dragged me onto the floor just as the DJ reached five in his countdown. “Scope out a girl and live a little.”
“Four, three, two, one…”
