Page 10 of Those That Are Lost
“You did what you needed to survive,” I tell her firmly, guilt eating at me for not being able to be there for her. My muscles tremble with the need to move towards her. I take a tentative step, but she recoils instantly, so I pull back. “It’s not your fault.”
“It is! I killed them. I don’t even remember if they were male or female, or entirely human. I only remember that they weren’t that much bigger than I am and that their blood sang to me the moment they stepped over the threshold.” The guilt is thick in her voice.
“Adicious had starved you. That’s not your fault.” I catch a glimpse of the darkness in her eyes, the depth of it scares me.
“It’s how I figured out I could extend my glamour to change my appearance entirely.” She moves the conversation on. “I was panicking and needed to hide, then this staff member walked past me and I thought I could blend in like that. I felt my magic flare and when I looked down I’d changed. I quicklybroke into the staring areas and stole a uniform and managed to stay undetected for the rest of the journey. Since then, I’ve not allowed myself to drop my glamour fully.”
“Holding it to that extent all the time must be exhausting.”
“I had to, I knew showing my real skin would be too dangerous. I knew Adicious would be looking for me.”
“Was it the real you, in the alley?” Since thinking it earlier I need to know she’s not starving. And now, knowing how much power she’s been using, she will have been needing to feed daily.
“Yes. It took me a while but I have been feeding. You’d only shown me that once and I barely remembered it. I used crowded dive bars and clubs in case it went wrong. I started fights so blood would be shed and no one would question any wounds until I got better at drinking discreetly.”
“Red. I’m so sorry, it shouldn’t be that way.” I can’t fucking breathe hearing this.She put herself in danger to feed. Rage I’ve not felt in years resurfaces, the fucking authorities and their bullshit forcing us to stoop to this. The fucking war that destroyed us and killed the best of us, leading to tyrants like Adicious taking power.
“I used to think losing my father was the hardest thing I would have to deal with.” Red pulls me back to the present. “Then in that basement, I thought seeing Adicious kill you would be the worst thing. Again, I was so wrong. I regretted leaving you with that pack every single second from the moment I hit the trees. Imagining the ways in which they killed you, knowing it was all my fault...”
I watch her warring with herself as she takes a sharp breath, visibly shaking while fighting so hard not to break down. The last few months have left her broken into pieces. Yet, I see the steel cage she’s constructedto hold those pieces together.Let me in Red,I silently beg her.Let me support you.
“I prayed for death too,” she continues, a tear breaking through her facade. She quickly wipes it away. Her breathing accelerates as she opens up, each sentence coming out on a rushed exhale. “I’d become a killer… I was alone and paranoid that Adicious or another member of that pack would be around the next corner… Scared I’d end up back in that house.” She pauses. “Sometimes I wanted to be back in that house just so it would end.”
“Red, no.” My voice cracks, and so does my resolve. I move toward her, closing the space as much as I can without actually touching her.
“I kept seeing your face,” she says almost robotically. Looking up at me, I see her forcibly shove her emotions back down until her eyes are dead once more. “You made me promise. I couldn’t end the pain because you made me promise.”
Her words shred me deeper than the blades the pack used on my body. I feel tears escaping my own eyes as I look down at the totally broken female before me. The image of her in the tavern tonight dances in my mind, how I’d thought she was happy. Free.
We’re standing so close our breaths are mingling. With each inhale of her scent I am hit with her confessions. Of how close I’ve come to losing her. How I may have still lost her, to her own mind. Her coping mechanisms have kept her alive but are now locking her up tighter than the chains in that fucking basement.
“I’m so sorry. Red, I needed to get you out.”
“They were killing you because of me.” She surprises me with a burst of anger. She taps her fingers to her own chest.
“To get to you, to capture you.” I find a stronger voice. “I’ll stand between you and them. Every. Single. Time.”
“I can’t live with that! Don’t you get it? I ran from you that night, I got us captured and you still gave your life for me.” Her hands move to my chest, gripping my shirt. I raise my arms so I’m bracketing her against the wall.
“I kept you in the dark too long. I made mistakes too. I don’t regret getting you out.”
“I should’ve stayed and fought with you.”
“No.”
“But you died!” She pulls on my shirt, those walls cracking once more as the pain she’s bearing washes over us both in a tidal wave.
“I’m here,” I tell her, trying to break through, bringing my hands to her waist to steady her. “I’m here, Red. You don’t have to be alone anymore. I’m so damned sorry for leaving you alone. I’m so sorry.”
She pulls back slightly to take a deep breath, the back of her head hitting the wall behind her. I allow the space only because I want to see her face. Her cheeks are pale, with several wet tracks streaking down them. Her eyes, as they meet mine, are without the shutters once more. I will the pain to transfer from her to me. I want to take it from her. I don’t want those walls to come back up.
“Drop your glamour,” I whisper, scared she won’t heed my request. She hesitates for a second but then the magic falls away. Her fiery red curls frame her delicate face, her light skin almost white. I don’t give her the opportunity to pull away from me. Unable to talk further, I try a different tactic to bring her back to me.
I slowly lower my head, watching her reaction the entire time as I brush my lips to hers in the softest of kisses. It’s a light, barely there whisper but I feel the zap of electricity anyway, the prayer being answered as she allows the touch. I nearly crumple under the taste of her.
She sucks in a sharp breath, but then to my relief shereciprocates and leans into my body, kissing me back with more force.
I push her further, demanding she opens up to me. She complies, allowing my tongue to seek her own. Delving deep and curling it with hers, I can’t help the moan that releases from my throat. I bring my hand up to cradle the back of her head, my fingers burying deep in her hair.
