Page 113 of Those That Are Lost
“Deal,” I manage to force out.
Adicious smiles at me and the thick icky feeling on my skin is back. It's not a genuine smile. His eyes are always shuttered but I catch a glimpse of something hidden, something menacing.
I get the feeling the sudden decency is as much of an act as me agreeing to this whole charade.
I’mon edge for the rest of the day. My conversation with Adicious creeped me out. It felt too easy, too simple that he would listen to me.
Following that conversation, I moved off his lap and spent some time flitting between the others. Adicious blatantly tracked my movements and eyed each of the males I engaged in conversation. I watched every word that came out of mymouth, scared that I would somehow trip up and give away one of the secrets I was holding.
I wondered if Adicious could read the lies I was spewing every few sentences but Ty had reassured me his gift only applied to those that were bonded to him.
The pressure built so much that a headache started throbbing at my temples. I left the group and returned to my room, needing a darkened space to breathe.
As I sit on the bed and bend my knees up so I can wrap my arms around myself, I fight my lungs as they start refusing to take regular inhales. I feel the familiar tingles tightening my muscles and my brain tells me to run.
You need to get out of here. Leave. You’re about to fuck this up and get them all killed.
I haven’t had any intrusive thoughts for a while but they flood my head now. Panic seizes my chest and inhaling becomes harder as I fight the war raging in my mind.
I can do this. I am doing fine. This was my plan.
I chant the three sentences over and over, trying to drown out the other voices. Squeezing my eyes shut, I force myself to push the rising panic back into the dark corner I keep it locked in.
A soft brush around my thigh jolts me out of the position I’ve locked my muscles into. I look down to my left and there’s a thickening band of shadow brushing up against my skin where the dress has fallen up my leg and into my lap.
‘You’re okay,’my mate’s voice cuts through the noise in my head.
‘P–p-p-please tell me that’s one of your shadows,’I stammer.
‘It is, you’re okay. I’m with you Red. I’ve got you.’His smooth voice calms me as it washes over me. He pulls so far into my head it feels like he’s right next to me. The shadow continues to band itself around my thigh.
‘How?’
‘I’m not sure, but I can see it through your mind. And control it.’The shadow pulls tighter and it’s almost like Ty’s hand is grounding me into the now, holding onto me tightly to bring me down from the panic attack.
‘Thank you.’
‘You don’t need to thank me Red. I hate that you’re pushing yourself this hard.’
‘I didn’t think it would be this challenging.’
‘Say the word and I’ll come and get you out now.’
‘It’s only one more day. And we haven’t told those we want to save our real motives yet, or how we want this to play out.’
‘I don’t care. If this is your limit, we get you out now,’ Ty growls. ‘Fuck all of them, I’m not paying for them with you.’
‘I can handle it,’I reassure him as I move to lay on my side, exhaustion seeping in from the panic attack. The shadow sticks with me, coming to my forearm instead.
‘I’ll trust you for now, but if I feel you getting that stressed again, I’m coming to get you.’
‘Fine,’I tell him, feeling myself relax.
‘Tomorrow, Red. This ends tomorrow. Everything is set from this side.’
‘The wolves?’
‘On standby.’
