Page 36 of Those That Are Lost
My hands cup my own breasts, I play with them a little, kneading them and toying with my nipples until they become stiff.
Ty slams his hand, the one not playing with my clit, onto the mattress beside us, fisting the sheets. “Gods Red, I’m not going to last long if you keep doing that.”
I glance down to see Ty’s face straining with concentration. His eyes locked on my body. A flush of power at seeing him so on the edge because of what I’m doing runs down my spine. I run my gaze down his perfectly sculpted chest, abs clearly defined and taught as he holds himself back.
I don’t stop. I don’t give him any reprieve. I’m as on the edge as he is and I need to reach the end.
The pressure building within my body keeps going for a few more thrusts up and down before it detonates. I cry out as I come, unintelligible words spill from my lips as my eyes roll to the back of my head.Nothing has felt this good.
“I’m going to spill inside you if you don’t stop. Red, you need to get off if you don’t want that.” Ty’s hand moves from the sheets to my thigh, trying to stop my thrusts.
I don’t want to stop. “Finish inside me, I need it, needyour scent.” The wants I have buried so deep inside tumble freely out of my lips as I swim in the haze of my own climax.
His dick grows ever harder, thrusting upwards into my waiting body and sending the most delicious aftershocks ricocheting across my nerves. He manages a few more seconds before his orgasm takes over, faltering his rhythm and flooding me with his warm release. There’s something so primal in it that my body practically purrs at the claim. My fangs want to get involved too but I force the feeling down and lock it away.
Time passes as we regain control of our breathing and our minds. Our bodies are in sync and still connected in the most primal way. Part of me never wants to come down from the high, for this to be over. I know we will have to have a conversation about whatever this was but I’m not ready. I don’t want to acknowledge it.
Once the sweat starts cooling, I move off him, heading straight into the bathroom to clean up. Ty follows me in silence. We go through a routine like we’ve done it a hundred times.
The intimacy hangs heavy in the air between us.
I finish up first, beating him back in the bed. Retrieving the duvet we must’ve pushed to the floor at some point, I curl up on my side and snuggle down. The intense, mind-numbing satisfaction starts to ebb into guilt and sadness.
Ty still doesn’t say anything as he slips into bed behind me and pulls me to his chest. I don’t refuse it. I can’t.
I simply feel him surrounding me, listen to his breathing deepen and even out as I lay there.
Tears fill my eyes behind my closed lids as the emotions I’ve been keeping locked away break free. This time though, instead of locking them down as quickly as I can, I drown in them, let them absorb me, consume me. The walls are still intact but there’s a few cracks starting to show.
“I slept with him, Henry,”I confess immediately as I burst into Henry’s room the next afternoon. He shuts the door behind me before following me into the room. My mind has been racing all day. Ty disappeared before I woke, so I’ve been spiralling.
The younger twins had cornered me as I made myself a coffee in the communal space and had kept me talking for much of the morning. They’d quizzed me about my life, a lot about university, and Froan. I hadn’t minded at all and felt for them. It was clear they wished to study abroad, and live on a university campus, but that option wasn’t open to them because of the treaty they had to uphold.
I’d shown them how to access some really good virtual libraries that have scanned original documents and archives. They seemed to really appreciate it.
It was now the afternoon, however, and Ty hadn’t shown back up and I needed to talk to someone about what happened last night. It was eating me alive. I’d told Ty openly that I didn’t want to be together, not in that way, not as mates, and now I’ve slept with him. I’m the worst person alive, he’s probably hoping I’ll come back to him fully now.
The sex was spectacular too. There were a few moments where I’d remembered how it felt to be alive, how good it could feel to open my mind and not overthink every little action, to ensure I wasn’t letting any of the darkness out. Because it hadn’t been there, the darkness had left for a little while and I didn’t need to pretend.
Then it was over and the inky blackness of every mistake I’ve made came back harder than a wrecking ball.
I know Henry is Ty’s friend first, but we’ve been getting along well. I consider him a friend now to. Maybe he can help me rectify this situation.
Selfishness swims through my stomach at what I’m about to offload onto him since this isn’t his problem, but I can’t keep it in. I need someone to be there for Ty. To pick up the pieces I’m no doubt leaving behind.
Maybe you’re hoping he will judge you and you’ll be alone again like you deserve.
Henry comes to stand in front me, hands going to his hips, as I drop down onto the corner of his bed and put my head in my hands. “Hi, Rory.” He chuckles. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I fucked up and have probably hurt Ty and I don’t know how to deal with it.” The admission feels sticky on my tongue but I force myself to say the words.
“Tell me what happened,” he says gently, squatting to his haunches so that we’re almost on the same eye level. Which I only notice as he gently lowers my hands.
“Last night I had another nightmare, Ty comforted me, and one thing led to another. I don’t think either of us were, even truly conscious when it started but then we were and I didn’t stop it when I should’ve. I knew it was wrong, he wants a mate. I can’t give him that.” I can feel Henry’s gaze on me. I can’t meet it though, staring instead at where his hand still rests on my forearm.Why isn’t he yelling? Why is he still touching me? He should be sickened for how I’ve treated his best friend.
“Did you not talk at all?” Henry asks. I pick up the exacerbated tone in his voice but the volume doesn’t increase.
“Sort of?” My voice tilting upwards on the note, making it sound like a question.
