Page 44 of Those That Are Lost
She does.
We fly into some of the more complex routines I taught her. Getting her to use my momentum against me seeing as she’ll never have the weight or height advantage.
I don’t let her see that I have to actually work to make sure I don’t fall on my ass for her next few strikes.
Laughter breaks from her lips as she lands from rolling over my back and the world appears lighter. Everything narrows onto this female. She’s all I see, all I hear as we go again and again and again.
But my competitive streak resurfaces as I spot an opportunity to take her to the grass. I go for her ribs as she leaves her right side open. As expected, she comes back with a fist to my face. I’m coiled enough that I can bend backwards to avoid the shot whilst simultaneously grabbing her forearm.
I twist until her chest is at my back and I flip her. Taken by surprise, she doesn’t land this one and comes crashing to the ground. Before I can pin her, however, she rolls to her stomach so I end up straddling her back. She bucks wildly but I hold my balance, capturing both her wrists and heaving them above her head.
“One…” I start the count, ready to claim my victory. I feel Red tense beneath me. “Two…” I’m about to say three and gloat about my win when she screams.
“Stop! Don’t, please, please, don’t,” she sobs, pulling at her arms. I instantly release her but she continues to plead and scream out like she does in her nightmares.
I immediately ease off her but she starts thrashing like something possessed. Her breathing becomes so erratic, the inhales are short and sharp, her words becoming lost and incomprehensible.
My body goes cold as I desperately try to turn her over so I can soothe her. She continues bucking and thrashing and as I grab her wrists once more, I’m taken back to my worst nightmares.
Flashes of a basement fill my vision as I see Adicious on her. Feeling the chains around my wrists, I’m back in that sand-coloured dungeon watching my worst nightmares come to life.
Ice cold loathing washes through me as it registers that I was the trigger for her current panic attack. The way I’d pinned her…
It was the way he had her pinned up against that wall. Before he tried to rape her.
I nearly hurl as I realiseI’vesent her back there. I’ve brought out her fears so brutally she’s completely lost to the memory.
Trying really hard not to hurt her, I do my best to get herto look at me, but I can’t move her. She’s curled in on herself on her side on the ground but lashing out with her arms every time I try to touch her. I take a blow to my stomach and face but I don’t even feel them.
My heart races as I hear hers thrum in her chest, the scent of adrenaline in her blood increasing each second.
“Red, I’m so sorry. It’s okay. You’re okay.” I attempt to calm her, at a loss of what else to do. She doesn’t hear me.
“Don’t do it… Hurt… I don’t want…” she continues to scream.
Henry appears at my side, and Ash joins us seconds later.
“What happened?” the wolf asks, crouching on Red’s opposite side.
“I don’t know. He had her pinned but it shouldn’t have hurt her.” I hear Henry fill Ash in on our fight whilst I duck down again to try and get Red to look at me.
“She’s having a panic attack,” I growl before ignoring the two males as they continue to talk. I lay down and pull Red into my arms, tucking her into my chest. Her attempts to push me away are much more feeble now.
I pull my shadows from the surrounding trees and shroud us in darkness. They press around us like a weighted blanket.
All the while I’m speaking to Red, trying to reach her with my voice. My heart is straining in my chest at seeing her like this. At the same time, I’m numb knowing I caused it.
She continues to struggle for a few more minutes before her body gives out and she relaxes against me. Her breathing is still erratic but I can feel her heart rate dropping slowly.
“Ty?” she whispers against my chest as she finally comes round from the attack.
“I’m so sorry, Red. I didn’t mean to…” My apology dies on tongue, I can’t say the words out loud.I didn’t mean to remind you of the memory where you almost were raped and forced into the most sacred of bonds.
I’m such a fucking idiot.
No wonder she doesn’t want that kind of bond. Let alone to me. She was almost forced into it, and of course that left deep scars.
New hatred breeds in my veins, hatred for myself as I remember how I’d almost bitten her the night I’d found her. She had every right to be angry at me. To hate me. Looking back on it, how has she even tolerated my presence since, let alone shared a bed with me.
