Page 86 of Those That Are Lost
Maybe he has a point.I have been thinking that it might be nice to have Antares around long term. He’s fun when he’s not pissing off my mate.
Swallowing another mouthful of blood, I readjust my position on the sofa so I’m facing him more. “Fine, want to moan about your lack of getting laid?”
“It’s been like two decades! I swear, the next guy who grabs my dick is going to have me going off instantly.”
“That’s too much information,” I say, my nose scrunching at that mental image. “How about we start with the basics. Are you gay? Is it just guys you’re into?”
“Yep, sorry darling. No pussy has ever done anything for me, except make me run a mile in the other direction. Wouldn’t know where to start with one.”
I release a genuine laugh this time. “I guess we have that in common then.”
“What? You can’t even get yourself off?” His jaw drops.
“Gods, no!” I roll my eyes and burst into laughter. “I meant I’ve only ever been into guys.”
“I’m joking!” He laughs too. “It would be too tragic if you couldn’t work your own body.”
I snort another laugh. I have no issues there, but with Ty around so much now, I’ve not required my own hand for a while.
“Okay, so we both like dicks. What about trauma?” Antares asks, changing the topic very abruptly.
“What about it?” I ask warily, finishing my drink and placing the glass on the table in front of us.
“Well, I know shadow daddy probably disturbs your sleep but those eyes in the morning are often haunted, not simply freshly fucked. You can withdraw into yourself like a professional, and don’t think I haven’t noticed how you stay aware of your surroundings like you’re a deer instead of a lioness. It all screams unhealed trauma.”
My breaths become short as my vision whitens at the edges at the reminder.
“Hey.” Antares slowly places a hand on my arm, near my elbow. I flinch anyway. “I get it. My father would beat us with a belt anytime we stepped out of line. It took me a long time to be able to wear one myself. I couldn’t stand the feel of it running over my fingers to thread the loops.”
I force a deep breath to calm the tingling anxiety as I force myself to keep talking. “Adicious chained us in a basement and tried to force me into a mate bond.”
“Gods alive be damned.” Antares releases a long breath. I don’t say anything more and he takes a few seconds, like he’s processing something beyond his comprehension. “Suddenly, I’m glad I can only bond to my fated mate. That’s barbaric.”
My brows knit as I try to figure out how Antares’s hybrid status affects him. “Your mating ability from your Fae heritage wasn’t overwritten when you turned?”
He shakes his head. “No, the only mate bond I can have is one chosen by my magic.”
I’m instantly curious. The purest Fae I’ve known until now is Bree, and whilst she has enough Fae blood to have their distinctive ears, she’s not certain about her mating magic. Her parents didn’t feel it, they simply fell in love. “How does that work?”
“Honestly? I’m not sure. It’s just a feeling. We’re told growing up that it’s like being hit smack in the face. If you meet your mate, that's it. You’ll know and no one else will come close to how you’ll feel when you’re around them. Ofcourse, it's possible to have more than one but it’s not something that develops over time, the instant you lay your eyes on them, you’ll know.” He plucks at the fabric of his baggy purple trousers, like he’s picking lint off them.
“Can you feel the bond already there?”
“No, I’ve not met them. I doubt I ever will now.” Antares’s gaze moves to the window as I watch him, a wistful look passes over his features before a glum resolution takes over.
“You don’t know that. You’re still young.”
“Yeah, but I’m hardly free to look for them. And what are the odds they’d accept me?” He keeps his eyes on the city through the windows as he talks. This time I want to touch him, offer him comfort. I want to wrap him in a blanket and hug him until the sadness leaves him. I decide then that I do indeed want him as a friend, and I hope he feels the same about me.
Growing up surrounded by the Fae that hate our kind, I’m not surprised Antares feels like he doesn’t belong. Add in the fact he fought as a high-ranking commander on the Fae side it must be a complete mind-fuck to then find yourself turned into the very thing you’ve been conditioned to kill. No matter how disillusioned he is with the Fae propaganda now that kind of trauma would linger.
“If I’ve learnt anything, it’s to trust the magic a little more. If you still feel that your Fae mating bond remains intact, it’ll be for a reason.” I hope the words bring him a little comfort.
We chat for a little while longer. I tell him about my parents and he tells me stories of growing up in the palace his family owned. I note he barely talks about any of his actual family. Sticking to friends and others that worked for him.
After a while we move onto lighter topics like the foods we miss, TV shows we like, books we’ve read. By the time Ty and Henry return, we’re sitting entangled on the sofa, sharing one of the throws and giggling manically like we’ve been best friends our whole lives.
CHAPTER 34
