Page 9 of Alone
"They want me to wakeup only one of you," I tell the guys. "But what if you'll feel lonely? Or disoriented? Wouldn't it be better if you all woke up at the same time? Went through it together?"
Tom agrees but Jim, one of the scientists, starts to argue. Damn, shouldn't they all be on the same side? On my side? Will joins the discussion and soon, the loading bay is full of angry voices. I lean against the cool metal wall and let myself slide down. My head hurts.
"Please, be quiet," I ask but they continue to argue. The headache is getting worse. Why can't they just be quiet like they were at the beginning? When did they start talking? Was it in the first week? The second? It's all a bit of a blur.
"Stop it!" I shout, covering my ears with my hands. They go silent and I breathe a sigh of relief. The drumming in my head is still there, but not as painful as it was a few minutes ago. I hope this is the end of it. I can't afford to get a migraine while looking out for my men. If I get ill, there's nobody left to run the station.
"So what am I supposed to do now?" I whisper. "Follow orders or follow my heart?"
This time, there's no reply. I suppose they don't know either.
I've always been someone who adheres to the rules. Until I came to Mars, that is. There are less rules out here. Earth rules don't make sense when you live on another planet. Most of the guidelines we have here relate to safety and community life. Don't go outside without your ventilator. Duh. Don't kill anyone. Duh. They're all common sense. But this decision I have to make right now is very far removed from common sense.
I want to curl up and cry and just forget about it all. Why does it have to be me? I've been fighting for so long that I'm all out of energy. I've noticed how my thoughts have become muddled. Being alone isn't good for me.
That's it. I'm going to wake them all at once. I don't want to be alone any longer. I push myself off the floor and walk to Bastian's pod. I'm going to wake them in the order I got to know them.
My Bastian.
I take out my communicator to access the code I need. It's several lines of digits, probably to prevent accidental opening.
5928754650172...
With every number I enter into the little screen on the pod, my heart beats a little faster. I know it will take several hours for them to wake up properly, but that's a short wait compared to the six weeks they've been here already. We've been cutting it close; the pods would only sustain them for a few more days. But hopefully, everything will be fine now.
The green key is staring back at me. It's the one I have to press to release Bastian from his icy prison. This could restart or end his life. There's still a chance that he'll die the same way all my colleagues died.
No. I shake my head determinedly. It's not going to happen. I press the key and the pod begins to hum. Lines of code are running along the screen, showing the different processes of what's happening to Bastian right now. I'd love to watch, but there are five more men to wake up.
One by one, I enter the code into their screens and start the waking sequence.
So close! I giggle in excitement and run from pod to pod, watching as the men are slowly brought back to life. The tubes that have been sustaining them are pulled away, their body temperature is gently increased and different drugs are injected to get their metabolism back into a normal rhythm. I don't understand most of what's happening, but I can see the progress by the colour their skin is slowly beginning to show. In Bastian's case, pale white gives way to rosy cheeks; cheeks I want to caress and kiss. Later.
I shouldn't overwhelm them once they're awake. Maybe they won't remember what they told me while they were asleep. Maybe they don't remember that they love me. I need to be careful, I don't want them to turn against me for some reason. I don't want them to think I'm crazy.
It takes over an hour for Bastian to take his first deep breath. It's a beautiful sound. I could listen to him all day. And all night, next to him in our bed. Oh. I need to get a bigger bed. Maybe I can push several together so that there's space for all seven of us?
I hurry to his pod to check on him. His eyes are still closed but I can see them move beneath his eyelids. He's waking up!
"Bastian, can you hear me?" I ask loudly but there's no response.
Patience, Louise. They'll be awake soon enough.
Tom and Will start breathing almost at the same time. During their time in the lifepods, their oxygen intake was controlled and only once a minute or so, but now they're breathing on their own again. It's all happening faster than I expected. Who will be the first to wake up and talk to me? Will it be Bastian? Or one of the others?
A groan makes me run to Jordan's pod. His eyelids are flickering, highlighting his dark lashes beautifully. Over the past few weeks, I've found I no longer see him as looking dangerous. I now see the tattoos as stunning, making him even more perfect. And his shaved head... I can't wait to run my fingers over it, find out how the stubble feels like.
"Jordan, are you awake?" I ask him and carefully touch his cheek. It's warm, just like it should be. "Can you hear me?"
He groans again.
"Are you in pain?" I'm suddenly scared that something is going wrong.
"No," he mutters and slowly opens his eyes. They are a dark brown with tiny amber flecks around the pupils. Beautiful. "Mars?" he asks and I smile at him.
"Yes, welcome to Mars, your new home."
He tries to lift an arm but struggles to summon the energy.
