Page 11 of Polar Destiny
When I notice that I have to pee, it's almost a relief to have an excuse to get up. When I try and get off the ground, Húnn is by my side, helping me up. I give him a grateful smile. It's quite amazing how much an injured ankle can get in theway.
"Thank you. I think I can make it to the toiletmyself."
"No, I'll help you." He scoops me up into his arms and walks towards the door - and bangs my legs against the doorframe. I scream in pain. Before Húnn can even open his mouth, a growl shakes the room. Through the tears welling up in my eyes, I look back and see a bear charging us. His eyes are wild beneath the shaggy darkfur.
I'm unceremoniously dropped to the ground.Ouch.
"Fuck it," I can hear Húnn growl, and with the sound of ripping cloth his human body stretches and squeezes - there's no other way I can explain it - until a second later a large brown bear is standing on a mess of rags that were once a very nice shirt and jeans. Bear-Húnn gets up on his hind legs, crashing his head against the ceiling. Wood creaks and dust sprinkles down. I press myself against the wall, scared of becoming collateral damage in this upcoming battle of giants. Ràn swipes his massive paw at Húnn, who evades quicker than I thought possible for a bear his size. He drops down on all fours again and the entire house shakes. He rams his shoulders against Ràn's head and tries to push him away. Ràn presses against his brother, his musclesbulging.
They are evenly matched, and neither is backing down. Ràn growls, his open mouth showing scary sharp teeth. Reality check. Should I really be hanging around with guys who can turn into giant, scary, dangerous mammals? Húnn retaliates, growling and snapping at Ràn's shoulder. Teeth meet flesh, and Ràn lets out a bellowing growl. Trickles of blood appear in his dark brown fur. Ràn backs away, stepping around the fireplace. Húnn follows, his massive paws making the house shudder with each step. When it looks like Ràn is backed into a corner, he suddenly stands up on his hind legs and jumps onto his brother, his jaw grabbing the back of Húnn's neck. The black bear yelps and Iscream.
"Will you stop it! You’re hurting eachother!"
They ignore me. Spittle is flying from their muzzles; their eyes burning with violence. The cuddly bears I saw yesterday have turned into vicious beasts. I need to get out of here. Cursing my ankle - and the stupidity that led to said ankle being injured - I drag myself to the door and use the handle to pull myself up. I'm not wearing a jacket, or shoes, for that matter, but I can't stay in the cabin one second longer. When I leave, they are both on their hind legs, wrestling each other. Blood is running down Ràn's shoulder, and Húnn has a gash on his forehead. I step outside and slam the door shut behind me, hoping that they’llnotice.
It's freezing. The sun is shining, turning the snow into a glistening white cloud, but the wind is icy. My socks are soaked as soon as I step onto the ice covering the small tiled terrace. There's an old wooden bench leaning against the wall of the house. Not knowing what else to do, I brush away the snow and sit down, trying to take the weight off my sore ankle. A loud growl shakes the wall behind me. The bears are still fighting. One second they were human, normal, funny (well, Húnn was), and suddenly they're rabidbears.
I don't belong here. A tear runs down my face, turning into ice halfway down. I'm alone, just when I thought I had found friends. I lift my legs up and hug them close, making myself small. I ignore the pain in my ankle. It's a reminder of the emotional pain coursing through mymind.
Alone.
Again.
* * *
Something bumps against me.Soft. "Isla? Shit, you're fucking cold. What the hell are you doing out here?" I try and open my eyes, but it's too hard. I'm drifting, barely noticing how I'm picked up and carried inside. It's nice and cosy inside of me. The outside world can stay away. I like it here. No men. No bears. Just me and the cold. Oh yes. Cold. I like the cold. It freezes my thoughts. Makes the bad thoughts slow so they don't hurt. The good thoughts, too, but that's ok. Everything is slow and icy andsparkly.
"Isla?"
"We need to get her warm. What the fuck were you thinking, letting her out on herown?"
"We have to warm her slowly, it can't be too fast. Get someblankets."
"Isla, I'm going to have to get you out of theseclothes."
"Don't fight me, sweetie, you won't get warmotherwise."
"Here are blankets, and I found a hot waterbottle."
"Fuck that. You know there's a betterway."
"She wouldn't likethat."
"She's too out of it tocare.
"And who's fault isthat?"
"She's starting to shiver, that's good. Let's lie her down,carefully."
My icy coatof sparkles is thawing. Don't do that. I don't want to leave. It's scary out there. I'm safe inside me. Safe and safe and... What was I saying? Yes, scary. In here. No, out there. I'm cold. So cold. Make me warm.Please.
* * *
The first thingmy frozen fingers feel is warmth. Softness. Skin. They move up and down. More skin. One hand goes further up. The soft skin becomes rougher. Hairs are in the way. I brush them aside, following the soft skin. So cuddly. I roll to one side to have both hands toexplore.
"Shit, Isla, stopthat."
I'm not listening. It feels nice. Warmth is flowing into me from two sides. My back is against a heater and I'm hugging a warm pillow. I can't remember why I want to be warm, but it's nice. Beautiful. Cosy. I hug the pillow closer to me. Itresists.
