Page 34 of Polar Destiny
For once, Alis may be right. Now that he's standing in front of me, the suffering clear in his face, I know that he's doing this for me. That he really is sorry. That it was an accident. That it could have - no, should have been a beautiful moment between us two, not a mating gone wrong. All I wanted was to be with him. Give myself to him. Except that it went a bit toofar.
Yes, becoming a bear shifter is maybe a bit more than you bargainedfor.
"What happens if we complete the bond?" I whisper and a flicker of hope lights up in Torben's eyes. "Will I become human again? Or a full bearshifter?"
"I don't know," Torben says just as quietly. "It's not always the same when humans are involved. If your bear is strong, she'll come to the surface and you'll be a shifter just like us. If not, you'll stay as you are now, human on the outside and a little bit of bear on theinside."
I can't resist a smile when he mentions my bear's strength. Oh yes, she's certainly that. I wouldn't be surprised if she was stronger than any ofthem.
You bet. More dominant, too. We're going to showthem.
Did you just say 'we'?
She's quiet for a moment. Maybe she just misspoke? I don't know enough about shifters and their relationships with their bears. Somehow I always assumed they'd just take on the form of a bear, maybe a bit of the mental state as well, but not have anactualbear live inside them. Like Alis. How did that evenwork?
Later. I think you should say something, Torben is looking close to keelingover.
She's right. He's swaying more than ever. I take a step forward and put my arms around his waist, steadying him in the disguise of a hug. I don't want him to look weak in front of hisfriends.
"She is strong," I confirm. "So all we need to do is have sex and drinkblood?"
Finn chuckles behind me, breaking the tension alittle.
"Yes, pretty much." Torben's expression has lightened a bit, but the tension around his eyes is still there. His pain must be getting worse. I feel guilty that I'm now strong and healthyagain.
"How did you even do it?" I blurt out and he looks at me inconfusion.
"Dowhat?"
"Make the bond stop taking my energy? Making it just takeyours?"
He grimaces. "My bear told me how to do it. He's feeling just as guilty about it all as Iam."
I frown. "You've never talked about your bear like thatbefore."
"We don't usually do that. When we're shifted, our bears talk to each other and us humans go into the background. Right now, it's the opposite. We respect that and don't talk much about our otherselves."
"So you see him as part of yourself? Just splitapart?"
"I guess. There are many theories of how it works, but of course, nobody really knows.Science doesn't really explainshifting."
He trembles and I grip him tighter, enjoying the closeness. Inside, I'm still a little torn over it all. I was so angry, why am I so quick to forgive? Shouldn't I be harder on him? On theothers?
Maybe I'm just tired of the conflict. And I can't stand here and watch him suffer. I'm a healer, for goodnesssake.
"Out, everybody," I command loudly and strangely enough, they leave without a word. I'm glad, it could have been a lot moreembarrassing.
"Sit down," I tell Torben and help him lower himself to the floor. He's shaking all over and I don't know what to do. I've only been with a man - this man - once, so me taking the initiative is not really making sense. Oh well. Bonnie and Clyde will guideme.
Alis, if I do this, I want you to stay out of my mind, okay? It's hard enough to deal with it all without having a snarky bear doing a runningcommentary.
Okay, but I want a full report later. And some time with Torben's bear. He smellsdelicious.
I give her a mental nod and put a pillow under Torben's head. He offers me a weak smile inresponse.
"What do we do now?" I ask, trying to hide myunease.
"Kissme."
