Page 12 of Winter Queen
"Give me a second to enjoy this," he sighs into my hair, "before you turn back into the Ice Princess."
Is that what he thinks of me? That I'm about to push him away?
Sadly, not long ago he would have been right. Before the Library I would have run away already, not even letting him hug me like this. But I've changed. At least I hope I have.
As much as I would like to give into the illusion that everything will suddenly be fine, I'm too rational for that. Grief and revenge are still fighting for dominance inside of me. I still don't think I can love my men the same way before the Morrigan killed my mother. There's too much darkness all around for that to happen.
Once she's defeated, I'll be able to move on, maybe.
No, I won't. I'll never forget how my mum was taken from me. How I was absolutely powerless, despite all the magic I possess.
Frost presses me even closer, now really threatening to crack my ribs.
"A... little... tight," I wince and he immediately lessens his hold on me.
"Sorry," he mutters, still refusing to let me go. "I wasn't sure if you'd make it out of there... And then when I saw Her Majesty's expression... I thought it was too late."
Finally, I notice that I'm not actually returning the hug. I'm too overwhelmed by his presence, by the memory of the Library still swirling in my mind.
I put my hands around his waist, touching the hard muscles on his back.
"I'm not planning to push you away," I whisper, only then noticing that he never said he'd expected me to do that. But it was probably obvious. I've done nothing else to the guys for days now.
"You're not?"
He grips my shoulders and - ironically - pushes me back, breaking the hug, until he can look at me. His blue eyes are swirling with emotion, the darkness of his irises overshadowing the slight green usually mixing with the blue.
"Do you really mean that?"
I nod, not quite trusting myself to speak. His expression is hard to read; I'm not sure if it's doubt or relief, or something else entirely.
"I need to hear that from you. I'm not sure I can believe it otherwise."
Something inside of me breaks. What did I do for my Guardian to say something like that?
Tears are flooding my eyes, tears I should have cried days ago.
"I won't push you away again," I repeat in a whisper. "And I'm sorry for what I did. I was a heartless bitch."
He chuckles softly. "I agree, but you had every reason to be."
I look over his shoulder, towards the plume of smoke still steadily climbing up into the sky.
"How bad is it?" I ask Frost and he pulls me closer again until my face is pressed against his chest, blocking the view of the destruction I wrought.
"Nobody got hurt. Your mother got them all out in time. I doubt that wing of the Palace will be liveable any time soon, though, unless her Majesty summons all the earth mages to make the repairs. There's only a handful here at the moment, the rest are spread all over the Realm."
"What about Crispin?"
The image of his crumpled, unconscious body flashes in my mind. The trickle of blood on his forehead.
He's alive, my bond is telling me that, and I'm sure Frost would have said something if it was serious.
"He'll be alright. He was awake last time I saw him, although he couldn't remember what happened. The healer is looking after him, don't worry."
I shake my head against his chest.
"Of course I worry. I could have killed him! I should never have lost control that way, I should know better by now. How can I be in charge of this Realm if I can't even protect my own men from myself?!"
