Page 4 of Winter Queen
"So when I wake up, I'll be bald?" I ask, not quite sure what to think of that. My mind is still processing it all.
"Only on one side, I think." He gives me a little grin. "Ye could turn it into a mohawk, shock the Court a wee bit."
I smile at the thought of Algonquin or Theodore seeing me like that. Maybe a punk style would be a clear sign for them all to leave me alone. Ignoring them or giving them glares didn't work.
"Finally!" Arc explains, looking at me joyfully.
"What?"
"Ye smiled. That's the first time in eight days that ye've smiled."
Immediately, I put my mask back into place, erasing that traitorous smile.
Arc's expression darkens. "Ye're allowed ta smile, Princess. Please dinnae lock yerself away again."
I shake my head, trying to ignore his sad look. "I can't. How can I smile when my mother is dead, her body dismembered somewhere? How can I smile when I don't know where my father is, if he's alive, even?"
Arc puts his hands on my shoulders and even though I can barely stand the touch, I stay where I am, looking down at the ground, willing my tears to disappear.
"Neither of them would want ye to be all cold like that," Arc says softly. "Just because that's how Queen Beira rules, doesn't mean that ye should be the same. Come back to us, Wyn. Dinnae stay in that darkness. Let us in."
If I was my normal self, I'd hug him and tell him that everything was going to be alright. But I'm not. The Wyn he knows is locked away inside of me and I have no intention of letting her out. She's not strong enough for this new world. I have to be cold and unfeeling to survive. I can't break down, I need to keep going. Why can't they understand that? Why do they try and make me let down my barriers?
No, I can't.
I shrug off his hands and step back, before slamming up my walls. The rainbows disappear, then everything else goes black and I'm thrown back into my body.
Bye, Arc. I'm sorry.
* * *
Pain welcomesme with open arms. I don't fight it. I deserve it.
I let myself enjoy the warmth of the Guardian holding me for just a moment before opening my eyes. Crispin is bent over my body, his hands running close over my skin without actually touching me. He's not noticed yet that I'm awake.
The pain is almost more than when I was burning. Whatever he's doing isn't gentle. But that's good. I let my parents down, I brought the demon into their house. My mum is dead because of me. This pain isn't punishment enough.
"Wyn," Arc groans, holding his head. He's sitting on the floor next to me, his back against the wall. His face is pale beneath his red hair.
"What happened?" Storm asks worriedly and kneels beside his fellow Guardian.
"She pushed me away," Arc sighs, pointing at me.
Crispin looks up from his work and his eyes widen when he sees that I'm awake.
"Shit, you weren't supposed to be conscious while I'm doing this. That's it. You're going to sleep."
"No," I whisper, my voice rough from pain and smoke.
"You had your chance," Storm growls angrily. "Crisp, put her to sleep. Then once you've healed her, we're going home. No more sparklies."
"But I need them..."
Sleep rushes at me and I'm gone before I can fight it.
* * *
"What arewe going to do now?" Frost whispers. His voice is almost too far to hear but he's in the same room.
