Page 6 of Winter Queen
No, don't think of that. Don't let it get close to you. They were your adoptive parents, not your real ones. Her death isn't as bad as it seems. Beira is your real mother. She's still alive, she needs you.
"I need them..." This time, it really is a whimper.
My breathing is getting faster but I can't control it; it's my body who's taken over. My legs shake and I slowly sink to the floor, clinging to whatever's closest.
I can't do this.
I'm not strong enough. I can't shield my emotions well enough. Sometimes they need to be let out, and I can only do that with Blaze. He doesn't judge, he doesn't tell anyone. With him I can be happy for a few moments every day, before the darkness takes over once more.
"Shush, Wyn, it'll be alright."
A hand rubs my back soothingly and it's grating against my barriers.
No, I can't.
I wiggle free from their touch and stumble to my feet. Everything is spinning and I'm vaguely aware that my breathing is far too fast, but I need to get away from them. They're too nice, too kind. I can't give them what they want.
Surprisingly, I reach the bathroom before any of them can stop me. I turn the key in the lock and then sink down to the ground again, leaning against the cool wooden door.
Blaze has abandoned me, just when I needed him most. I thought I could trust the unicorn.
I hug my knees to my chest. My heart is close to breaking free but I can't let that happen. I need to keep it in its icy prison, even if it hurts. I need to keep functioning. But why is it all so difficult?
It's the men. They're making it harder. Without them, all I'd have to worry about was myself. But even now I can feel my connection to them, the bond pulling us towards each other. If I gave in, I'd open the door and throw myself into their arms.
The bond is getting more demanding with every day I don't touch my Guardians. I never noticed before how often I touched them. A slight brush against each other on a corridor, a quick kiss on the way to a meeting, cuddling in bed before falling asleep in their arms. Even if it wasn't always all of them together, there was usually one of them around. And now that I'm keeping them at a distance, the bond is making me suffer for it.
Damn those Guardians for making me go through with that ritual. Maybe the connection we had before, the one created by them syphoning some of my magic, wouldn't have been strong enough to keep us together. Maybe I could have made them leave. But with the other bond, that's impossible.
A knock on the door sends tiny vibrations through my spine.
"Wyn, are you alright?"
I ignore Storm and draw my legs closer. Not that it makes me feel any better.
He knocks again, harder this time. The entire door shakes and with a sigh, I get up, looking for a better place to sit.
That's when I see myself in the mirror. I shriek before I can stifle the scream with my hands.
It isn't me.
It can't be.
The Wyn in the mirror is staring back at me, wide-eyed, her singed eyebrows giving her a strangely confused look.
With a crash, the door flies open.
"What's-?"
Storm doesn't finish his question. He knows exactly what's wrong.
Half of my hair is gone. My scalp is an ugly red, the skin puckered where the hair used to be. My hair is normal on the left side, but then as soon as it reaches the parting, it turns into a strange lightning bolt shape, leaving a few tufts at the front with a giant bald batch just behind.
I gingerly touch the back of my head. Again, there's no hair left on the right side.
"I healed you, but I couldn't regrow your hair," Crispin says softly. I didn't even notice him entering the room. "Maybe your mother can. Or we can get you a wig, or a pretty headscarf, or..."
"Get out!" I scream and blast them with a burst of wind, shooting out of me before I can stop it. Crispin is flung against the wall with a crack, while the door slams against Storm. Both of them cry out in pain and I freeze, watching as Crispin slumps to the floor, blood staining the wall where his head crashed against it.
