Page 15 of Winter Goddess
"How come you can teleport now?" she asks in wonder, as if she didn't quite realise that I already transported them back from the Dragon Realm in this way.
I sigh. "It's a long story."
* * *
My mother'scondition hasn't improved at all. She's as pale as the bed sheets surrounding her frail body, and her cheeks seem sunk in even further than I remember. She's the only person whose face I can see, yet I don't want to look at her. She's changed too much, she's nothing but a shadow of the powerful Goddess she used to be. And it's all my fault. I made her use up all her powers. I behaved like a child and she's the one who's suffering for it.
"Beira?" I whisper, sitting down by her bedside. I wish there was something I could do. I have all these new powers now, but they're no use to me. I can't heal my mother.
She opens her eyes, but even that looks like a struggle for her.
"Wyn."
Her voice is less than a whisper, a weak breath. How did it come to this?
"Do you have news?" she asks, her eyes fluttering shut again.
I take her hand and squeeze it reassuringly. As if that will solve anything. It's more to give me comfort rather than her.
"The dragons will fight on our side," I tell her. "And Ada has returned. She never abandoned us, she left to help the dragon prisoner free his people from the Morrigan's influence. It's a long story, but for now, we have new allies."
I don't want to take up too much of my mother's energy by telling her the full line of events. It seems hard enough for her to stay awake.
"I'm proud of you," she whispers. "You've achieved something I haven't managed for centuries. The dragons have always been elusive."
"Their leader, Dewi, said she was a Goddess, but she didn't feel like other Gods. Do you know about her?"
My mother frowns ever so slightly. "She's not one of mine. Maybe Angus made her, but I've never heard of a Dragon Goddess."
"Strange," I mutter, more to myself than to her. "She's not making any sense."
"Wyn." My mother suddenly squeezes my hand, making me turn my full attention to her again.
"You need to become Queen."
I sigh. "Not that again. No way. You'll be better once we've defeated Angus, and then you won't need me anymore."
"I won't get better," she says slowly. "My time is over."
I shake my head. "I'm not listening. Once winter comes again, you'll be just like you were before."
"No, I can feel it. I won't recover, Wyn, no matter how much you want it. Even if I get stronger, I'll never get back to my old strength. I won't be able to lead my people. I won't be the Queen they deserve."
A tear is trickling from the corner of her eye and I look away. Beira doesn't cry. She's the Winter Queen, the epitome of cool composure. She doesn't show her emotions, ever.
"You need to be crowned before the battle begins." Her grip on my hand is growing weaker, but her voice has a trace of her former authority. "We will all die if you don't become Queen."
She falls silent and I stare at the floor, her words echoing in my head. She won't get better. She won't be Beira again. She'll stay this weak, frail woman, not much more than human.
"There needs to be a balance," she suddenly whispers, just when I think she's gone back to sleep. "Remember what I told you. Without balance, all Realms will crumble. I can already feel it happening. Focus, and you'll feel it too."
I sitby her side for a while longer, even though she's asleep. I think I know how to feel for the balance like she said, but I'm scared to do it. If I sense an imbalance, that will mean that I will have to do something about it.
I don't want to be Queen. I don't want to be a Goddess, either. All I want is to go back to being Wyn, live with my Guardians, have a quiet life without death and demons. I want my mum and my mother by my side, and a father who isn't traumatised and grieving.
I never imagined my life could turn into this. Chaos. War. Despair. Doubt. An eternal absence of hope. And now, they want me to be Queen and steer them through the darkness. What if I fail? What if I get them all killed? I could never live with that. There's been too much death already. Mum. Chesca. Aodh. All the soldiers we've lost.
But for it to end, we need to fight, and my mother is right. She can't lead us in the state she's in.
