Page 30 of Winter Goddess
I keep my eyes closed, feigning innocence.
"I'm not sure I liked that... or maybe I did..."
It seems I've managed to make them all speechless. Arc steps back and Frost rolls me off him until I'm back on the sand. I moan in frustration.
"Just giving you some space," Frost whispers before he gets up.
I sit up, watching as three of them walk away, still naked, their skin flushed, leaving only Crispin behind. I smile, my heart aching at their thoughtfulness. He prefers to be with me on our own, without the others, and that's what they're enabling us to do now.
I pat the sand on my left, inviting him to join me on the warm ground.
He lies down on his back and wraps an arm around my shoulders, letting me use him as my pillow.
"Are you okay with this?" he asks quietly. "I know you like to be with the others."
I turn my head so I can look him in the eyes.
"I like to be with the others, and I like to be with you. Don't ever doubt that you don't count just as much as them."
He sighs. "I want to, but I... it reminds me of..." His voice is shaking all of a sudden. I can't help but turn onto my side and hug him.
"The Morrigan used to... not just me..."
I run my hands over his back, trying to hold back the sadness that is threatening to take a hold on both of us.
"Shhhh," I whisper. "I know. You don't have to say it."
"Sometimes the memories get too much. I try to be strong, but they slip through the cracks and right into the scars she's left on me."
"I understand. I've seen what you've gone through," I say soothingly, pressing him closer to my body. I want him to feel safe. Happy. I want to dispel the demons of his past, but I don't know how. We've made progress, but I'm not sure they'll ever let him go.
"I don't know how I even deserve you," he mutters. "You should run away screaming. You've already got three men, all of them so much stronger than I am, so why do you need me?" His voice has turned bitter.
"Because you're you," I tell him. "And I think you're the strongest of them all. Look at you, how far you've come. You could have just given in and stayed the Morrigan's slave, but no, you fought, and you're still fighting, every day, even now. You're the strongest person I know, Crispy, and I will tell you that as often as you need to hear it."
I run one hand through his hair, playing with his golden locks. "Now relax. Just be with me, in this moment, before we have to go back. I want to look at you, see your eyes, your face. Let's pretend everything is alright."
"We'll find a way to fix your vision," he promises quietly. "There must be a remedy somewhere out there, and I'm going to find it for you."
"Maybe once we've defeated Angus and the Morrigan, my mother will be strong enough to help me." I know that's wishful thinking, but sometimes, the hope of the impossible is all that gets us through times of darkness. In my heart, I still believe that she'll get better, even though my brain tells me otherwise.
"Maybe."
He returns my hug and lets me snuggle against his naked body. The sun is warming our skin, seagulls are calling in the distance, and I am so happy that my heart could burst.
"Crispin?" I whisper. "Thank you for being here with me."
"Any time. Maybe Blaze can show you how to do this trick. We need more moments like this."
"Agreed. Now kiss me."
He lifts himself on his elbows and smiles down at me.
"With pleasure."
Chapter Eleven
“Are you going to marry them?”
