Page 18 of Alien Abduction for Beginners
"Havel can join you," I said. "I'll be with her since it was my idea."
Xil didn't look happy about it but then inclined his head. "Then I shall deal with the tiny food pieces. She's small, so I suppose they have to be even tinier than they'd be for us. Size of my fingernails, maybe?"
I nodded. "That or smaller. She really is tiny."
"What kind of food should I get? Maybe something from Kardar to introduce her to our cuisine?"
"Make a mixture of Kardarian and Peritan food," I suggested. "That way we'll see what she likes best."
I quickly sorted the list anew and added some notes for Havel, since he hadn't been here with us.
Opening doors for her(Havel, we've locked her door)
Give her lots of boxes full of tiny food pieces(Xil will do this)
Write love letters and poetry
Xil and Havel will sing drinking songs while Matar is with her a floor above
Wear lacy undergarments
Watch recordings of other couples
Hold hands whenever possible
In future:
Give her a plant(note to self: research what colours she likes)
Sit next to her while someone else plays a string instrument(may be difficult to find a musician; research if recorded music or a live stream of a musician is acceptable)
Have food together and have a fire burning instead of normal lights
I deleted the bit about facial hair and sending ourselves since I didn't know how that would contribute to seducing Trish. Maybe if all our other strategies didn't work, we could return to that.
"We can get Havel to find recordings of human couples," I suggested when I was done with the list. "I'm sure he came across some when he was researching human psychology and physiology."
"Yes, he showed me some," Xil said with a wide grin. "Humans can be very flexible when they want to be."
Trish
As soon as I woke, the memories of what happened made me sit up straight. I wasn't confused at all. I knew exactly what happened. It made me both queasy and breathless. A sexy kind of breathless, that is. I'd been probed by aliens. For real. And I'd enjoyed it. It was so amazing that I passed out in the end after the best orgasm of my life. I dimly remembered one of them carrying me into a sort of shower and washing me, but I had no recollection of him bringing me into this bedroom.
It was tiny, reminding me of a ship's cabin. I guessed that's what it was, now that I thought about it. The bed was attached to the wall and looked like it could be pulled up, creating more space. Metal shelves and cupboards graced the walls to create as much storage as possible. Instead of a window, a large screen hung opposite the door. It was blank though. No alien soaps for me to watch.
They'd dressed me in a simple dress that resembled a pale blue sack with holes for my head and arms. Not exactly the height of fashion, but I supposed I should be grateful I wasn't still naked. They'd even provided a pair of slippers made from something that reminded me of felt, yet it was softer beneath my feet.
My stomach growled, reminding me that it had been a while since my last meal. How long had I been on this ship? I knew neither how long I'd been unconscious when they'd abducted me nor how long I'd just slept. For all I knew, I could have been here for days. A shiver ran down my back at the thought. Would anyone miss me? Chadra would probably be the only one, mostly because I destroyed her scooter and couldn't pay for the damage. She might also miss having me for small jobs that she didn't want to do herself.
I got up. It was time to explore this spaceship, hopefully without stumbling upon one of the aliens. I needed some time to process what had happened.
Problem was, the door didn't have a knob or handle. I stepped close to it, hoping it might have a sensor that would open it automatically, but nothing happened. I pressed my hands against it and pushed, without success.
They'd locked me in like a prisoner. I supposed it was to be expected. They'd abducted and probed me. For some reason, they were intent on following every alien abduction stereotype imaginable, which I guessed included being locked into a room. At least this wasn't a cell. And I had clothes. I should be grateful for small mercies like that.
I banged my fists against the door and started shouting for them to open it. Just like I was supposed to behave, right? I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation. I hadn't just been abducted by aliens. I was part of some kind of academic assignment they were conducting and therefore had to be the perfect abduction victim. This was ridiculous.
"Let me out!" I yelled as loud as I could.
