Page 20 of Alien Abduction for Beginners
We ignored several locked doors along the brightly lit corridor, heading straight to a large, open-plan room that seemed to act as both kitchen and living area. Most tables and chairs were covered with...things. Empty plates. Random gadgets. Electronics I didn't recognise. Something that looked like a yellow bath duck but definitely wasn't one. These guys didn't like to tidy up, that much was clear. I'd give them a minus point for that. When you invited someone into your home, you cleaned it first or at least made it look less like a mancave.
Matar seemed to realise the issue and simply wiped off all the contents from the closest table, beckoning me to sit on the only empty chair. I shrugged and took my seat, waiting for him to join me. He kept standing though, his tail knocking on the floor as if he was nervous. He pressed some buttons on the computer thingy he had on his wrist.
"She's here, klatting get to the canteen now," he snapped at whoever he was talking to.
"On my way."
That was the captain's voice if I wasn't mistaken.
"He's prepared food for you. I hope it'll be what you imagined."
I frowned at him. "I didn't imagine anything. It's not like I planned to be abducted. I guess I should be happy you're feeding me at all."
"Of course we're feeding you," he replied, clearly offended at the thought of letting me starve. "It's what good abductors do. We're going to look after you from now on. Whatever you want, just tell us and we'll make sure you get it."
"Really? Whatever I want?"
He grimaced. "Within reason. If you want a lavva fruit or a tribitt, that's doable. If you want a bigger spaceship or a weapon of mass destruction, it would be less likely that we can fulfil your wish."
"What's a tribitt? My translator didn't get that one."
"A furry, long-eared animal that many Kardarians keep as pets, especially females. They're fluffy and quite intelligent but also very mischievous. I'm not sure what our Captain would say about having a pet on the Jade though."
I grinned. "I want one."
Matar looked as if he regretted this conversation. "You need to ask Xil-"
"Ask me what?"
The captain had entered the canteen without me noticing. I whirled around and took in his broad, muscular form. During the probing, I'd been kind of out of it, but now I took the chance to look at him properly. His head was bald, just like that of the other two, but strange ochre patches made it look less bare. The same mottled jaguar pattern he had all over his body - I remembered when he'd torn open his shirt to show me. The skin on his face and scalp was smooth, like that of a human, no scales like on his chest. Of the three men, he was the most human-looking, if you ignored his bright yellow skin colour, his scales and his dark orange eyes that didn't have lashes.
His dark blue uniform had silver stripes along his arms and legs, only highlighting how his bulk stretched the fabric. Why did they have a uniform when this ship wasn't military? And they were only three guys living on the Jade, so it didn't make sense to me. Maybe some weird alien tradition, just like their desire to probe humans.
"She wants a tribitt," Matar sighed.
To my surprise, Xil shrugged. "Then we shall get one. We should reach Kepler Two in about a week, so until then, we can make a list of everything Trish needs." He gave me a warm smile and held out a metal box. "For you."
Was he giving me a present? These aliens were so weird. Half of the time I didn't know if they were serious or if this was just some kind of twisted game. Maybe they were toying with me, waiting until I felt safe only to pull the floor from under my feet and show me their true, monstrous natures. I mean, what kind of alien gave the woman he'd abducted a gift?
I sat it down on the table and carefully opened the lid, half expecting poisonous scorpions or other lethal critters ready to sting me. But no. Inside was a grid made of something that looked like shimmering plastic, separating the box into thirty-two compartments, each of them filled with some kind of food. At least I thought it was food.
The portions were tiny, the size of half of my thumb. Xil had taken finger food to a new level. Some of them didn't even constitute one bite. How small did he think my mouth was?
One compartment contained a single blue leaf. Was that even edible? Next to it was something that looked like a bright pink mealworm. No thanks. Some of thethingswere clearly meat, while others could have been meat, plant, or something in between. Nothing looked familiar at all. I supposed they hadn't used their stop on Earth to restock.
"Do you like it?" Xil asked. He was watching me intently, clearly eager to get a reaction out of me. It was almost adorable, having this big, dangerous alien begging for my approval.
"Is that how you eat?"
His enthusiasm turned into confusion. "No. We eat proper portions. Isn't this what human males give their females when they want to seduce them?"
Why would I want-
"Chocolates." I started laughing. "This is what a box of chocolates looks like. Now I get it."
"What's chocolates?" Matar asked. He looked just as downtrodden and disappointed as Xil. I felt sorry for them and tried to contain my laughter. It was hard though. This was hilarious.
"Chocolate is a sweet deliciousness made from cocoa beans. You can get it in all shapes and forms, but if you go on a date, the guy might give the woman a box of chocolates. Small, expensive ones with different fillings." I looked down at the box. They'd kind of got the concept...except that they'd used normal food instead of chocolate. I couldn't help but smile at Xil. "You did well, it's almost the same. Thank you."
