Page 3 of Alien Abduction for Beginners
Xil checked the database entry on his comms. "Laranus. Sparsely inhabited. Females are compatible with us but...oh."
"What?"
"They don't have breasts."
I gaped at him. "No breasts? How do they feed their offspring?"
He scrolled through the information, then started to laugh. "They have tubes extending from their pussy that the younglings feed on for several years. Like straws. I doubt the females would be agreeable to sex during that time. It might squash the tubes."
I cringed at the thought of plunging into a female while weird fleshy bits were hanging out of her. No thanks. I wasn't speciest, but that was a little too exotic.
"The red planet is Riva Four," Havel muttered, checking his own comms. "They're very underdeveloped. No spaceflight yet. They still use animals for transportation. I suppose it might make it easier to abduct a female from there. They may even see us as gods. Wouldn't that be fun, being worshipped as a deity? Yes, you can suck my godly cock and receive my holy seed."
I elbowed him. "Don't talk like that. Females don't like vulgar language."
"Who says that?"
"I read it in one of the books," I admitted. "I was bored last night."
"Teacher's pet," Havel snickered. "Did it say anything else that might come in handy?"
I nodded. "Lots. But why would I tell you? I'll use my new knowledge to make our female love me the most."
Havel flashed his fangs at me. Most of our kind had lost them in the process of evolution, but some of us still had the features that told of our predatory heritage. Havel complained about them all the time, saying they got in the way while eating, but he'd refused any offers from dentists to have them filed down. I thought that secretly, he was quite fond of them.
"That one," Xil said and pointed at a blue planet at the very edge of the galaxy. "Peritus, but the natives call it Earth in most of their languages, not sure why. It seems to have several oceans, but maybe they worship the ground they live on? Maybe they're scared of the water."
"Do they have vaginal tubes?" I asked with trepidation.
"Not that I can see. And they have breasts of all sizes. Some are almost udders. Wow. Imagine burying your head between them, like soft pillows."
Havel laughed. "I'd bury something else between them."
"They only have one truly sentient species on their planet called humans. They've discovered spaceflight and are slowly spreading across the galaxy."
I dimly remembered coming across their kind before. It had to have been on some space station, but all I could recall was the name of their species, nothing more.
"Do they have tails?" I asked carefully.
Xil shot me a knowing look. "No, not that I can see. No fangs, either, but they do have beautiful manes." His eyes widened. "And fur in other places. I like it."
I couldn't resist any longer. I opened my own comms and searched for the IGU's database entry on humans. Several images appeared before my eyes. I was the only one of us who had the implant that connected my comms to my optic nerve. It was handy for looking at information that I didn't want anyone else to see. And porn.
I ignored the image of a male and scrolled to one of a female. She had a long, black mane full of curls, dark skin that reminded me of the pap tree beans we had at home, and yes, there was hair under her arms, between her legs and on her lower legs. Beautiful. My mouth watered. I could get used to having one like her around.
I quickly skimmed the section on human biology. They were compatible with us physically, although there was no information on successful breeding between our species. That worried me a little. Had nobody abducted a human before? Unlikely. The planet was part of the university's database, which meant it had been studied by scientists.
Still, I liked the look of these humans. So much so that I didn't even feel the need to explore the fourth blinking planet on the map.
"How long until we get there?" Havel asked. He seemed just as eager as me to get there quickly."
I frowned. "Two galactic weeks, faster if I get the booster engine sorted. We should have enough fuel for a round trip; no need to stop at a space station on the way."
Xil switched off the holomap and sat back in his captain's chair, a smile curving his ochre lips. "That gives us enough time to complete all the other lectures before we reach the planet. Matar, get that engine fixed as soon as possible. Havel and I can complete the next module without you."
"No way," I protested. "I don't want to miss anything. I'll work on the engine later."
The captain sighed but didn't argue. All of a sudden, the IGU course had become less of a pain in the arse. We needed all the help we could get if we wanted to abduct one of those precious humans.
