Page 21 of Alien Abduction for Professionals
"I think there's a direct correlation between my glass and the size of my dick," he announced with a wide grin. "The AI seems to know its stuff."
Men. Always the same.
I held up my glass. "Cheers!"
The guys stared at me in confusion.
"Isn't cheers slang for 'thank you'?" Havel asked. "Are you thanking us for taking you here? Or the drone for delivering the drinks? Or the AI for choosing this drink?"
"No, I wasn't thanking anyone. It's what you say before you clink glasses."
"Clink?" Xil repeated. "I know Ankanis smash their glasses together after they're done with their meal and then use the shards to carve their names into the table. They're not allowed into some restaurants because of that. Do humans conduct a similar ritual?"
I laughed. "No. Let's just forget it. What drink did they give you?"
Matar took a sip and a dreamy expression crept across his face. "Bandulan liqueur. This AI is klatting amazing."
"Can I try?"
"Better not. This stuff is strong. Maybe before we leave, that way you won't be drunk during the meal."
I was getting used to that. The guys had some beer-like alcohol on the Jade that I wasn't allowed to drink. Well, technically I was, but after the first time and the worst hangover in the history of mankind, I'd decided to stick to non-alcoholic beverages.
I tried my own drink. It was sweet but nothing like apple juice. Maybe if you mixed mirabelle plums with quince and bananas, you might get something vaguely resembling this concoction. No, scratch that. It was too alien to compare it to Earth tastes. But it was amazing. I emptied half my glass before remembering that we were supposed to look at the menu.
I activated my communicator with a flick of my wrist, and a holographic menu appeared right in front of me. The text - in English - was written on three sheets that seemed to compete at grabbing my attention. They moved from side to side, changing position, pushing in front of each other.
"The AI is trying to decide what you might like," Havel explained with a laugh. "Here, press that button and they'll freeze."
I did as he showed me and the menu turned still, giving me the chance to actually read it. Not that any of the dishes made sense to me. Lopus steak with iask leaves and quagbu gratin. How was I supposed to know which of these dishes were good, let alone safe to eat for humans?
"Are any of these things poisonous?" I quietly asked the guys.
Xil roared with laughter as if I'd made the biggest joke of the galaxy. I kicked him beneath the table, but Matar's pained gasp told me I'd missed. Oops.
"The menu only contains dishes that are agreeable with your species," Havel explained. He didn't laugh, which made him my favourite mate at this moment. "Once you've read through them all, you can activate the AI again, and it'll rank them by what it thinks you'll enjoy most. Of course, you may be the first human ever to eat at this restaurant, so I don't know how accurate it'll be."
I skimmed the menu, but it was pointless. Even though some words were translated into English, most didn't make any sense at all. Luckily, I was pretty easy with food. Living the way I had before the guys had abducted me, I’d been glad for any food I could get my hands on. I could be choosy when it came to exotic meats, though, which made me ask Havel if I could sort the dishes to only show vegetarian ones.
"Are you sure?" Xil asked, still chuckling. "Goo'on fowl is a delicacy."
"Thanks, but I think I'll stick to something veggie myself and then try some of yours."
"You can taste mine any time you like, sweetheart," Xil said in a low, sultry voice.
I hated that his words made my pussy throb with need. As if we didn't just spend hours in our nest. I should concentrate on the food. On the restaurant. And not on the extremely hot and horny guys surrounding me.
The waiter reappeared, saving me from responding to Xil's flirting.
"Have you chosen your meal yet?" they asked pleasantly. "If so, please press your choice on the menu and it will be brought to you momentarily."
They gave us a short bow and left without another word. Yeah, they were utterly useless. Nice, friendly, yes, but also not needed. Was this what Earth's restaurants would be like in the future? Automated except for a random waiter to greet you?
I didn't know if I'd ever find out. For now, returning to Earth wasn't on our agenda. There was nothing there for me, and I'd much rather explore other planets. Unless the IGU told my mates to return to Earth for some reason, I doubted we'd go back there again.
Havel helped me choose a vegetarian dish, then pressed a whole lot of things on his own menu. I'd not even considered having several courses. I'd grown up in poverty and wasn't used to splashing out food.
As soon as everyone had made their choice, the holo menus disappeared. I blinked, my eyes getting used to the dark again. The candles floating above us twinkled like stars, while also giving off a pleasant aroma.
