Page 8 of Fionn
Honoured Director of Hot Tatties,
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Fionn Arken-Clutch of Eynhallow, of the finfolk people. We are an aquatic species who dwell on the world of Finfolkaheem, far away from your planet (coordinates attached). Though our bodies are made for water, we can also walk and breathe on land like yourselves.
I do not know how much is known of us beyond our own part of the galaxy. Once, long ago, a finfolk expedition ship was stranded on Peritus. For generations, our kin lived there among your people. Most returned when rescue came, taking along their Peritan mates. The names of one such couple — Ma’vel Skarra-Clutch of Wyre and Jonet Forsyth — survive in our Archives, recorded as true mates. Their story is proof that our peoples are not only compatible, but that love can exist between us.
I believe your agency, Hot Tatties, has special permissions from the Intergalactic Authority that allow lawful introductions to Peritan females. My clutch-brothers, Rainse and Cerban, and I humbly ask whether such introductions might be possible for us.
We are of good standing. We have no mates on Finfolkaheem — the imbalance of our world has left many finmen without hope of ever having mates. We do not wish to take unwilling females. We seek companions who might choose us freely, to share in life and family.
Please advise us if your agency can assist.
With respect,
Fionn Arken-Clutch of Eynhallow
From: Pam (Hot Tatties)
To: Fionn Arken-Clutch of Eynhallow
Subject: RE: Inquiry into Matches with Peritan Females
* * *
Dear Mr Arken-Clutch,
Well. That was not the sort of email I was expecting when I sat down with my morning tea. You’ll forgive me if I had to read it twice. It’s not every day that someone from an unfamiliar planet introduces himself quite so politely, and with coordinates attached no less.
I did a little digging after your message. The name Jonet Forsyth does appear in a few scattered records, sometimes spelled Janet or Jane, mostly in connection with a witch trial on the island of Westray in Orkney. According to the records, Jonet was burned at the stake, but I would like to believe that she found a new life with a finman. Interesting that your Archives mention her in particular. That certainly adds some weight to your claim. I have also looked up your planet in the databanks of the Intergalactic University to learn more about your species.
Now, as for Hot Tatties. You’re correct: we do have a narrow exemption from the Intergalactic Authority’s regulations regarding Peritus. It allows us to arrange introductions between willing Peritan women and alien partners who have been properly vetted. Every match must be consensual. There is no “taking” involved — only choosing. Until now, we have exclusively worked with Albyans and Vikingar, but there is no rule that we should exclude other interested species.
The process begins with DNA testing. You and your clutch-brothers will need to provide samples for compatibility screening. Only if the system shows a positive match will introductions go ahead. It may sound clinical, but it saves a lot of heartbreak further down the line — and it’s what gives our women the confidence to take this leap.
So, if you’re serious, here’s what I need from you:
- Full identity records
- Proof of standing in your society
- DNA samples from you and your clutch-brothers for compatibility testing
- A statement confirming you understand the women make the final choice
Once that’s in place, I can begin the process of finding candidates. I won’t sugar-coat it — our ladies can be particular. But if you’re honest and respectful, you’ll stand a fair chance.
Sincerely,
Pam
Director, Hot Tatties
4
Elise
The dating agency had an office in an imposing Victorian building close to the centre of Glasgow. I'd had a meeting with my agent just an hour ago, gently preparing her for the end of my career. In the past two weeks, I'd come to terms with it and was now almost looking forward to a new chapter in my life. If this dating agency adventure didn't work out, I was planning to do some backpacking in Asia. Part of me was still mourning what could have been, but I pushed the feeling of grief and disappointment away whenever it threatened to rise.
Now I was about to find out if this adventure was going to happen or not. The agency had contacted me the day after I'd filled in the online form. A woman called Cleo had promised that this really was going to be a free holiday, no strings attached, and that I did not have to commit to anything. If I met a nice guy, so be it. If not, also fine. What I cared about was getting out of my familiar surroundings and routines and learning more about myself. About the person I was when I was not a top athlete.
