Page 11 of Wild Child
“Don’t.”
The word came out sharp as a knife and with more feeling than I meant. Lost in the pain now, I whirled around.
“Tell me you didn’t come back with some sort of hope for us. Tell me that your life has been exactly what you wanted it to be, and it was worth it and you want to go back to it after you spend some time here.”
He opened his mouth, then closed it again. But I didn’t save him. I sat in that waiting space until he finally said, “I came because I wanted to see you. I wanted to clear the air between us after what happened.”
My shoulders snapped back. “Oh, well, that’s easy enough. You are absolved of any guilt that you feel. I forgive you for lying and altering the course of my life. For avoiding me for three years and then for showing up without warning.” My chin lifted, and righteous indignation gave me the strength to power through. “Do you want me to say that you made the right choice? Because I will. I’ll say that you did the right thing, and now you can go back to it without residual guilt. Does that feel better?”
The pain in my own voice bothered me. Hadn’t I dealt with this? Hadn’t I tucked it all away or thought it out of my brain yet? Apparently not, because the fire of a thousand suns burned in my chest now.
“No.”
He said it so quietly I almost didn’t hear it at first.
“Then what do you want?”
His eyes met mine, more burnt sienna than brown now. The pain there cut through my own, and an instinct buried deep in my chest wanted to reach out and console him. But I held it back because Devin didn’t need me anymore.
“I want a chance.”
“To what?”
“To explain.”
My breath still came too fast, my thoughts too slow. Just seeing him there, as familiar and yet as unknown as a stranger, made it almost impossible to think.
“I want to explain why I did it.” He pressed on because I hadn’t spoken. “I want a chance to at least explain why . . .”
He sighed. I waited for him to finish the thought, but he didn’t. Something broke inside me, and I didn’t know what it was, but I couldn’t take another moment of this. Although subtle and layered with the overwhelming scent of coffee, there was a hint of pine in the air.Hissmell. The smell that had carried me through each day as a young girl.
Give him a chance,I thought,and he’ll just leave again.
Because men leave.
Love dies.
You take care of yourself.
With a quick spin, I headed behind the counter. Ditched the cloth in the sink, locked the drive-thru window, and grabbed my backpack. My keys jangled in the outside pocket as I riffled around it and blatantly ignored his birthday present.
“Maybe some other time,” I said. “I need to go.”
He said nothing at first, but nodded, looking uncertain. There were harder edges to him now, hiding the softer, kinder Devin I once knew. This was an older version of Devin. The version of Devin that had seen the world. What had happened to him to cause the emotional callous over once-gentle eyes?
I slung the backpack over one shoulder and motioned to the door.
“Goodbye, Dev.”
With one last look, he headed to the door and stepped outside. The moment it closed, I flipped the lock and fled out the back door, relieved to get some space between us.
I darted away before I begged him to take me into his arms and never let me go.
2
Devin
Early summer sunshine glowed hot on my back as I stepped outside the Frolicking Moose and headed for my rental car. The lock flipped behind me with a finalthudas Ellie shut me out.
