Page 14 of Wild Child
“How did he look?” She cast a sly glance my way. “I mean, how did hereallylook? All buffed up from those push-ups, I bet?”
My teeth clenched. “He looked like Devin.”
She held up two hands. “Sweet baby pineapple! Be fair, Ellie. He’s probably a stunner. He was already good-looking as a senior, but now he’s a freaking Marine. I know, I know you’re still hurt and bitter and—”
“I’m not hurt. And I’m not bitter.”
The words came out a bit too forcefully. She smirked.
I frowned.
“Right,” she drawled. “I’ll remove bitter, but not hurt. You didn’t wallow out loud and you moved on. But you’re definitely still hurt, and you have reason to be. He left you without closure. You need to find it now. This is a massive chance from the universe! You gotta take it.”
“Maybe.”
She rolled her eyes. “If not that, then whatdoyou want right now, Ellie?”
I want him to leave,was my first thought, but it didn’t sit well. Did I really want him to leave without us finally smoothing this down?
No, I didn’t.
Part of me had thirsted for Devin since he left. Had craved him like an addict. Time hadn’t entirely dulled the ache, even if the need had slowly throbbed away in that long year after he first left.
“Have you considered that one of the reasons you still feel hurt is because of the way he left?” Lizbeth turned and leaned her shoulder against the fence to face me fully. “Until today, you haven’t spoken about him since that awful night at prom. I think it made you jaded about other men, so you haven’t really dated.”
“I’ve dated.”
“First dates.”
“And that’s all they ever amounted to.”
“Because you ignored them.”
That was the truth. Plenty of those first dates would have come back for second, third, and more dates. But I’d stopped there, because . . . why bother? Men left. I didn’t want them back. It felt coldhearted, but it was an attempt to be kind.
“I don’t want to find someone else.” The chicken squawked as I set her back down to scavenge with the others. In the distance, Thor’s snorts as he prowled the property filled the evening air. My goats bleated from their pen not far away.
“Why not?” she asked. “Dating sucks, but marriage is the best.”
“Because love sucks.”
“Sometimes it totally does.” She poked a finger into my rib. “But the moments that it rocks are worth it. You and I have been over this countless times. Mama was wrong aboutpartsof romance and love, but not all of it. It’s worth fighting for, Ellie.”
My heart reviewed the surface of all the good times with Devin. The light. The joy. The connection. The feel of his body next to mine, my stalwart best friend. My safety. Then the emptiness when he was gone. The scattered life that remained in his wake.
Was it worth it?
“I don’t want a boyfriend, Lizbeth. I don’t want a husband. That’s not my life.”
She shrugged. “That’s fine. If you clear things up with Devin, then at least you’d be ready then if someone elsedidcome along. The right one makes you want it. You can’t force it.”
That didn’t sit great either. Marriage. Love. Babies. That wasn’t my thing. Mama and Devin had left big enough holes in my heart. No reason to do that again. JJ and Lizbeth were genuinely imperfect and adorable. Maverick and Bethany were so well matched they suited each other’s intensity. But me?
No.
I’d rather have my chickens, goats, and dogs. Drooling babies and staying in the same place for decades on decades behind a white picket fence wasn’t my jam. Yet . . . I didn’t leave Pineville much on my own, either.
“Maybe you’re right,” I said as I shoved those thoughts aside. “I can take the chance to clear the air and be done. At least hear his side.”
