Page 2 of Wild Child
Now, watching them dance and whirl together, the truth was confirmed. Devin had always been more than a friend to me. He was soul. He wasall. Tears prickled my eyes with heat and I forced them back with one last shot at my crumbling denial. No. I didn’t love Devin. Not likethat,anyway.
Devin was my best friend, not my lover. He was the other part of me. The second side of my heart that beat in tandem with mine. The last seven years living in Pineville, away from the stepfather that wanted to kill me, had been bearable because of Devin. Amazing because of Devin.
Safe because of Devin.
“Dammit,” I muttered as the weak strands of my denial began to fade. Why did I even try? There was no denying the truth.
Ididlove him.
And how could that ever work? It couldn’t. Because love was fickle and men left. Even the ones you loved. Mama had made that lesson very clear.
You fall in love,she told me,and men leave. It’s the way of things for girls like us. Besides, baby, you’re the kind of girl that will always take care of yourself. You deserve the truth. Stay away from them.
Never mind that Mama had had some weird views on life and had led my older sisters down terrible paths with her advice. While Mama whispered sweet tales of romantic passion to Lizbeth, she told me the cold hard facts of life and love. Men leave. Love fades. Take care of yourself first.
Jim, my abusive stepfather, made it very clear that I wasn’t good enough for him. And my real father had left me to die with Jim. While I had glowing examples of worthy men in my life now that Mama was out of it—my adopted father Maverick, my brother-in-law JJ, and of course Devin—the truth always rang in my ears like a high-pitched reminder.
Men leave.
Love dies.
You take care of yourself.
So, no. If I loved Devin and lost him too, I’d lose myself. Was it worth the risk? Well . . . maybe. Because wasn’t Devin already inextricably tied up in me?Besides,I thought as I watched him and Cassidy twirl around the stage to an especially pungent romance song,Devin deserves the princess, and I am the sword maiden.
Dev and I were too alike.
It would never work.
That felt easier. Brutal, cold hard reality. Not the dreams of me being the girl in his arms. Me in the tiara. Me in the dress and actually enjoying it, which would never happen. No, this was reality, and reality was far safer than dreams.
With all my strength, I swallowed back my emotion. Pushed back the truth that had dangled at the edge of my mind for years now and tipped it into a safe, metal box that it could never escape. The lid slammed shut. Even though I’d only just acknowledged my feelings for him today, I happily shoved that box into the corner of my mind to ignore. There it would pulse like a little heart, reminding me that it knew the truth, even as I strove to live a lie.
The crowd surged into the dance as Dev escorted Cassidy off the stage. Suddenly, my tendency to keep to myself and ignore almost everyone but Devin swamped me. There was no one else here I knew well aside from a few acquaintances who waved while we passed in the halls. Most of them were friends with Devin, and they accepted that being friends with him meant tolerating me taking up his time outside of school. No reason to stay.
Stay and dance and tell Devin how I really felt?
No thanks.
Locked away now.
A tap on my shoulder distracted me. My shoulders bunched as I glanced to my left, then relaxed. My only other friend in the junior class, Jax, stood there with a wry smile. His long, wiry arms and legs were hidden in a tuxedo tonight. He had the gangly look of someone that still hadn’t grown into his body yet, even though his blue eyes had always been kind.
“Ellie?”
“Hey.” He tilted his head to Devin. “How you doing?”
My tension faded. No punch in Jax’s hand. No alcohol on his breath. Instead, I swallowed and said, “Great. Just wanted to see it happen.”
“You knew they’d get it?”
“Who didn’t?”
He grinned. “They look great together, don’t they? The two nicest people in the school deserve the crowns.” His eyebrows rose with an intentionally interested gaze. “Don’t you think?”
“Yep.”
“You all right?”
