Page 136 of Smoke and Fire
Dagny tilted her head to the side.
“You know her?” she asked.
“Ran into her yesterday.”
And today,I mentally added,when I botched absolutely everything.
“Everything okay, B-bastian?” she asked again, and broke apart my thoughts. I shook my head to clear my head.
“Yeah. Fine.”
A dubious expression followed.
“Lizbeth Bailey,” I said next, unsuccessfully keeping the desperation from my tone. I shoved some translucent onions onto a triangle of potato. “What’s she up to these days?”
“New baby in a few months,” Hernandez said. He leaned back in his chair, the tips of his fingers toying with a sweating cup of milk. “Staying in a place in Jackson City. The bakery she started with her husband has been doing well.”
I swallowed hard.
Damn.
Confirmed details were hard. Everyone had a life. Inessa would soak up my day tomorrow, so there wouldn’t be time to search then either.
Were there online job postings I could search? Could I trust someone with my secret that I didn’t at least have eyes on? I knew Dahlia as much as any stranger on the internet, but at least we shared a common town. That built a little trust and safety.
The emails from Pri stacked in my mind, and the tightness in my chest started to return. Upcoming end-of-the-month bills. Dad’s update. Messages from the doctors that I’d been slowly listening to on my voicemail. News from Inessa’s nurse. I missed my family.
“How’s Vik?” I asked in a last-ditch attempt to distract myself.
The question came out a bit garbled. I cleared my throat and reached for my milk. Panic over my writing career gave way to utter terror. Would I have to out myself right now? What would Hernandez say? Did Inessa miss me?
The lack of control boiled.
Hernandez studied me. “Vik is fine. He talks about going to South America again soon, but he’s too much of a disaster to travel anywhere. You’re in charge of the retreat this year. Any great plans?”
“Not yet.” I swiped my lips with a napkin and avoided his gaze. I’d completely forgotten about the yearly Merry Idiot retreat. “Just getting through fire season, then I’ll tackle it.”
He nodded, as if to silently say,fair enough.
Words revolved around my head like whirling fire sirens.Priyanka. Book launch. PR. Readers. Must decide.I’d dug myself into a deeper and deeper hole. Before I left on the next assignment, I’d have to tell Pri that I couldn’t find help. Emails would build through the launch and readers might think I abandoned them. My next manuscript was underserved—I hadn’t even started because the words felt like glue on my fingers. I needed to get it rolling soon.
The obligations stacked higher and higher and higher.
“Hey, man.” Hernandez’s voice cut through the swirling cloud of anxiety. My head lifted to look at him. Concern filled both their expressions. Dagny had set down her fork and regarded me with eyes full of love and worry. Hernandez leaned forward, brow furrowed.
“You good?”
Too late, I realized my hands clutched the cloth napkin so tight that my knuckles were white. My throat felt thick, my head boozy.
No, I’m not okay. I can’t take the weight. I can’t take the pressure. It’s all going to fall down.
A moment before I could reply, a knock came on the screen door. Through it floated a lyrical voice that set a spasm of shock all the way through my body.
“Dagny, it’s Dahlia. Is Bastian here?”
7
DAHLIA
