Page 182 of Smoke and Fire
Sweet baby pineapple, as Lizbeth would say.
A reprieve.
“I can’t talk right now. I’m at work and some customers are just about to come in.”
“I’ll wait.”
My nostrils flared. Could I kick him out? No. Yes, I could. Did I want to? A little bit, yet not all that much either. Could I makelesssense? My thoughts were half-complete gibberish now.
Part of me saw this very unexpected opportunity as a gift. I longed to talk to him. Sit down, hear what he'd been doing, and why he came. How were things different without me? How were they the same?
We could talk about the good times that mattered. Laugh over old jokes and our favorite old whodunnitmystery movies. The other part wanted him to go so I could thinkthrough this.
The girl leading the pack opened the door and stepped inside. Katrina. Or was it Lolo? I still couldn’t wrap my head around the strangely perfect in-person representation to one of Jess’s characters. Three days had passed since the launch, and I hadn’t seen any sign of her. This must be the group of women that came to do a Jess retreat with her.
Instinct kicked in, saving me from myself.
“Give me a few minutes to help them," I said quietly to Jakob, meeting his inquiring gaze. "I'd like to speak with you."
Lips pressed, he nodded.
"Welcome to the Frolicking Moose," I called as the women assembled in front of the counter. "What can I get you?”
Jakob faded to a table not far away, distant enough he didn't crowd customers but close enough he wouldn't be forgotten.
Katrina popped up to the counter first, a grin on her face. Despite the heat, she wore a pair of black leggings beneath ratted jean shorts. A flowered tank top and bright sunglasses adorned her from waist up. The exact outfit Lolo wore when Adrick confessed he loved her and her quirky self, if I remembered correctly. In the novel, Adrick yanked her close, put his hand in her back pocket, and scolded her for looking so perfect.
Then he kissed her until she couldn’t breathe and slid a ring on her finger in the meantime.
I swallowed when Bastian interposed over Adrick and my brain unravelled.
“My usual!” Katrina cried. “I’ll pay for the rest of these ladies. We’re just finishing up their Jess retreat. They’re heading home later today.”
“Are you staying with us a bit longer?” I asked with a falsely eager smile while I reached for her cake pop.
“A few days.” She gave a vague wave. “Just wrapping a few things up. Mind if we sit at my usual spot?”
“Of course not.”
Jakob’s unexpected appearance robbed my energy for my favorite game, so I let them order their drinks without guessing. The work gave my thoughts a chance to stop paddling upstream and go with the current.
While the ladies jabbered quietly amongst each other, words likeJessandnext bookandcan’t waitflew around several times. I couldn’t hear any deeper than that.
I poured Jakob a coffee with half cream and too much sugar and set it on the table next to him without making eye contact. He murmured a thank you, but I had already returned to the counter.
Out of the corner of my eye, I studied him. He stared at the table, outside, the other girls. Every now and then, a musing expression would cross his face. One of them asked him for the time. He leaned forward, replied, and they spoke for a few minutes.
My heart didn’t flip-flop.
My stomach didn’t flutter.
The visceral reactions toward Jakob had long since stopped. Until this moment, I hadn’t truly accepted it. Now, I had to.
I stared down the face of our failed relationship . . . with gratitude. We reallyhadn’tbeen great together. Fine, yes. Steady, of course. But we lacked luster. Confidence. Change. Our life could have been platonic and safe, but how much life would we have missed out on?
For the first time in six months, I was grateful toward Jakob. He’d done the hard thing that I didn’t.
He’d stopped what didn’t really make us happy.
