Page 183 of Smoke and Fire
I couldn’tforget he existed, even though that seemed like an easy path. All that time. All the layers of connection we’d forged. It couldn’t and shouldn’t be erased. Neither, however, should it be continued.
For the first time in months, Inner Me remained utterly silent. Maybe because I’d finally landed on the branch I’d been fluttering around for months.
Fifteen minutes later, all four ladies popped back to their feet. Katrina folded her computer and shoved it into her bag. They gathered up all the Jess books they’d laid out and headed toward the door in a flood of estrogen.
“See you later!” Katrina called, waving.
“Travel safe!”
As they disappeared, I turned and squared my shoulders to Jakob. My mind fluttered to Bastian and—No.
I yanked it back with a firm reprimand.He is not mine to think about that way,I sternly told myself.
For the first time in six months, I was readyfor this conversation with Jakob. Seeming to sense my stare, he glanced over. Then he leaned forward, arms on his legs. He had smooth lips that turned into a charming smile when he wanted them too.
“I won’t stay long, Dahlia. I just wanted to see you. I guess . . . I guess I felt I needed some closure. The whole thing happened faster than I thought it would. I don’t think I was ready to never see you again.”
His expression morphed into a maze of serious lines. He was as familiar to me as childhood. Jakob and Sione had been good friends for years. Guilt over mudding up their friendship after we broke up plagued me again. They were cordial, but they hadn't returned to what they'd had before.
“I know you don’t want me here,” Jakob said softly.
“It’s not that."
He lifted a dark brow. “Oh?”
“I just didn’t expect you.” I grabbed my drink, circled around the counter, and sat across from him, startled by how easy it felt to be casual. “I’m glad you came. You’re right. I think I needed some closure too. It's been six months but . . . after five years, that doesn’t seem like all that long.”
He nodded.
My gaze narrowed. "How are you? What’s going on back at home? How’s work?"
He hesitated, then leaned back against the seat. His strong legs sprawled in front of him—rugby legs. Sione and Jakob used to play with the other neighborhood kids. Sione had size, but Jakob was faster.
“It’s good.”
A brief summary of our shared life followed. Same routine at work. Same people. Same places. He still had the same apartment. In fact, everything sounded the same.
While I wallowed in the uncertainty of the future, he wallowed in the miasma of the unchanging present. With a bit of a jolt, I realized I’d chosen the better path.
The path of my new self.
Although not perfect, I preferred the uncertainty of what lay ahead of me to the unending sameness at home. There had been safety in that for awhile, and I’d probably have more of it in my future. For now, however, I looked forward to what lay ahead.
I schooled back a giddy laugh.
A lock of hair fell onto Jakob’s forehead, but he shoved it away.
“Are you trying to grow your hair out?” I asked with a tilt of my head toward him. Ever since we’d been together, he’d always worn it short. A hint of color dusted the top of his cheeks as he played with a lock.
“Yes.”
I laughed. “Lofa got to you after all! How did he finally convince you to grow it out?”
“I used to have long hair,” he said, half-defensively. “It’s time to try it again. Do something different.” He eyed me. “And what about you? Do you like having an RV and driving around?”
“Being lost?” I quipped.
“No.” He smiled. “Maybe now you’re found.”
