Page 200 of Smoke and Fire
She reached across the table again, and squeezed my hand. “You’ll f-f-figure this out, B-bash. We’re always here f-for you when you need us.”
“Thanks.”
A clanking sound followed a muttered curse. Hernandez appeared through the back door a minute later with a foul expression that almost made me laugh. His gaze dropped to Dagny’s hand on mine.
“You cutting in on my girl, amigo?” he drawled.
I leaned back. “If you’re not home, might as well.”
He laughed, smacked a fat kiss on Dagny’s lips. I stretched, shocked to find we’d been talking for hours. I felt bleary-eyed tired. My body needed more sleep than this on my day off, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel too upset about it.
“Thanks again for dinner, Dagny.” I stacked my bowl, spoon, and cup in the sink after rinsing them. “Delicious, as always.”
I could feel Hernandez studying me. Through the reflection in the window over the sink, I saw him give Dagny a questioning look. She shook it off.
“Ab-b-buelahas been t-teaching me her ways.” She winked at Hernandez. “One day, I’ll get that t-t-tamale recipe.”
THE NEXT DAYpassed in a blur.
I visited Inessa, her doctor, and the hospice team that would start to check in on her. Her skin appeared a bit more gray and she seemed tired after a restless night’s sleep. She laid with her head on her pillow, a favorite fairytale movie playing in the background. The sight gave me a throwback to my childhood, when she’d calm with the cartoons that we’d watch together for hours while eating popcorn.
“Could be months,” the hospice nurse said with kindness and warmth. He was a middle-aged man named Gregor with a salt-and-pepper goatee and a slightly slavic accent in his voice. “Her body will decide when to go. We’ll keep watching. She’ll be comfortable when she passes, whenever that is.”
The uncertainty didn’t sit well with me, but Inessa had always kept me guessing. I’d had years to grapple with her shortened lifespan, but as it approached, I felt even more at a loss for what to do with it.
What sort of world would I have without Inessa in it?
A bleak one.
One with noone.
Dahlia rose to my mind then, but I pushed her back. No, I didn’t have that claim on her. My world was so . . . sad. Dagny’s conversation hovered in my mind for half the day while I battled myself.
Let Dahlia in?
Spare her the pain and keep her out?
I had to banish those questions to visit Dad again, which only set me on edge further.
This time, he wandered the halls with a walker. His head bounced a little as he walked, gazing around. I stood outside the doors, hands in my pockets. His doctor came by, shook my hand, and proceeded with an equally morose update.
“His body remains mostly healthy, but his mind continues to deteriorate. His weight loss hasn’t slowed much from the shakes we’ve been giving him. He also hasn’t been all that interested in food, but we’ll keep trying. We’ll see more and more of this as the disease progresses. His body has started to follow his mind, which is normal.”
Dr. Ferdinand watched him through the doors with me, her gray hair pulled away from her face with a clip.
“How long could this be?”
“It’s hard to say,” she murmured. “Months. A year?” She reached out, a hand on my arm. “I’m sorry, Bastian. I don’t have any certainty to offer you, especially at a time when you’re also dealing with your sister’s medical problems. You stand to lose a great deal in the next span of time, and you carry a lot on your shoulders. Is there anyone that can support you?”
“Yes, I have help.”
She studied me, then seemed to accept my bland response, despite all evidence to the contrary.
“We’ll continue to do our best to take care of your father, and if there’s anything else I can do, please let me know.”
I nodded.
“Thanks.”
