Page 29 of Smoke and Fire
Now I couldn’t stop thinking abouther.Dahlia. Romantic subplots and ideas whirred through my mind like a busy interstate. Things I’d described happening for the last twenty books suddenly played out in my own body. A wary uncertainty. An inability to look away. Obsession with how I presented myself because I wanted her to pay attention to me.
Damn, but I liked her.
Writing out a twitterpation and experiencing it myself were two different things all together. I’d just brought her into my world, my novels. As she noted at the end, she could turn my entire life upside down.
Yet . . . I sensed that she wouldn’t. Underneath all that glittering brightness and confidence was a woman that, I suspected, was also a little bit broken. The wariness to take the job, her constant study of me. She’d mentioned a bad relationship in the recent past. Her ex burned her for men, perhaps?
No. The smoke that filled me when we accidentally touched wasn’t contrived. She felt it too, I could tell.
I closed my eyes, grateful to turn thoughts of Dahlia with a different guy away. I had no claim on her. No right to bristle at the thought, yet I definitely didn’t want to think about another guy with his hands on her. I wanted that for myself. A touch on the spot where her neck turned to the gentle slope of her collarbone. The edge of her cheek. Graceful curve of her ear. I shook away thoughts of trailing my hand from her shoulder to her lips with a shudder.
Torturing myself.
Giving away my computer and explaining the process felt like gaining back my soul. Let Dahlia have it. I didn’t want the weight on my shoulders right now. Not with Dad and Inessa hovering there, too.
After tomorrow, I could focus on the fire and let the rest fade into the background for the next two weeks.
Really, I could center my attention on myself while I did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. A very competent woman was just about to take over the generalities and could save my family in the process. I’d forget all that stress and Dahlia while I focused on staying alive in the forest. The launch would take care of itself with Dahlia’s help.
Goal achieved.
At least, that’s what I told myself.
9
DAHLIA
The air conditioner in my RV purred with a gentle hum as I sat down two days later, Bastian’s laptop in front of me.
It had been unusually busy at the Frolicking Moose yesterday—with three catering events, one of them almost dangerously overbooked—and late hours. Thanks to Bastian’s laissez-faire attitude, I put off diving into his emails for today, my day off, when I could focus. He would be leaving for his next fire assignment this morning, anyway.
When I didn’t work, I usually prowled around Alpine or stalked job listings on the internet with a question that circled me like cawing birds.
Who do you want to be without Jakob?
Today, it felt good to have a new purpose that didn’t rotate around massive life decisions and the analysis of my personality.
Not far away, bright green letters taunted me with the time. 11:37. The third Jess novel,Sex is a Guilty Mess,lay splayed open on the floor. I’d abandoned it in a fit of righteous indignation—and utter love—late last night.
I really needed more sleep.
After rolling out of bed, I grabbed a breakfast burrito, flung it into the microwave, and found Bastian’s backpack.
The rickety table where I ate had to be stabilized with folded cardboard, a prayer, and some duct tape, but I held onto hope it wouldn’t pitch his computer off.
A text message waited for me while his computer connected to the Wi-Fi.
Bastian:We were assigned to the fire north of Pineville.
I stared at the screen, startled and thrilled to hear from him after a brief exchange of messages last night. Still only half awake, I rubbed the heel of my hand over my eyes and struggled to make my vision work. The blurry words on the phone cleared enough for me to make sense of what he said on the second read-through. Likely, he texted me the update because it might come in handy later.
Somehow.
Did this have relevance to my job? Yes. At least enough that the text was justified. It meant that he’d be closer than not, but probably didn’t change the fact that he’d be largely unavailable.
Still, I was on the prowl for further signs of interest from him. Hungry for them, even, although I didn’t know why.
Would I do anything with interest from him?
