Page 105 of Penance
“No. I didn’t. Okay?” I say, throwing my hands up.
“What?” MJ cries, “Why not?”
“Because I was scared.. What if it costs me everything? What if I love him back, and it’s not enough?’
MJ shrugs. “What if it is?”
______________________
I’ve been thinking about what MJ said for two days. I’ve spent my whole life trying not to be my mother, but in the same way heraddiction controlled her, my fear has controlled me.
That’s not how I want to live my life, though, and I’m going to do something about it—right after the board meeting.
I walk into the meeting with my head held high. No matter what’s decided today, I won’t leave Benton Falls. I’ll find a different job, even if it isn’t in education. This place—this community—it’s my home, and I’m not leaving it.
The other board members are already seated as I take mine. With Eric gone, Abigail is acting as board president, and while I know her vote, I can’t be too sure about any of the others.
“Now that we are all here, let’s get started,” Abigail says. She stands at the head of the table, commanding the attention of all in the room. “As you know, at the beginning of the summer, Ms. Carson was put on administrative leave, pending an investigation. In light of recent events with our board president, I would like to put it to a vote to reinstate Ms. Carson as well as extend her contract with the district. Before we vote, however, I have a few things I would like to say.” She pauses, turning to look directly at me as she speaks. “Lily Carson has been a wonderful addition to both this school district and this town. She is hard working and loves the students she works with. She makes a difference in their lives, and makes hard decisions when the situation demands it. I think we should be proud to have her as our high school principal.”
By the end of Abigail’s speech, my eyes burn with tears. She’s still watching me, and when no one else is watching, I mouth athank you.
She gives me a wink, and turns her attention back to the board. “So, let’s put it to a vote, shall we?”
Five minutes later, I am reinstated to my job by a unanimous vote. The rest of the board meeting goes by quickly, with only typical topics to discuss. No one mentions Eric, and I can’t say I’m sorry for it.
The board members congratulate me as they walk out the door, butI hang back, waiting to speak to Abigail alone. When the last one is gone, I turn to Abigail, suddenly nervous.
“Abigail,” I say, taking a timid step her way. “Can I speak with you for a minute, please?”
She’s collecting her stuff, but looks up when I speak. Pride shines back at me on her face. “Of course, dear. I’ll always make time for you.”
My hands fidget as I try to work up the courage to ask the one thing I’ve fought against my entire life. Finally, I just blurt it out.
“I need your help.”
Chapter 38
Theo
Coming to a wedding when your heart is broken is a different type of torture. I thought about sitting it out, staying home and wallowing in my sorrows, but Tanner insisted I come. So here I am at the reception, standing in a suit while the rest of the town gossips about the biggest news all year—the wedding of Mallorie Jade Harrison and Hayes Miller.
I stayed toward the back during the wedding, avoiding everyone’s stare—especially that of a blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty. I caught a few glimpses of Lily throughout the ceremony, but the crowd blocked me from seeing all of her.
Now, I’m standing with my hands tucked into the pockets of my dress pants, searching for another hit of her. My eyes scan the crowd, and when they find her, my heart stops. Just the sight of her is detrimental to my health, but I’m too gone to care.
Lily is effortlessly beautiful, with her hair pulled up, revealing the slender line of her neck and shoulders. I have this innate need to follow that line with my lips, leaving kisses along each inch.
My feet are moving before my brain recognizes what I’m doing, and then I’m standing in front of her—breathing her in like she’s the oxygen I need to live.
“Hi,” she whispers, her blue eyes searching mine.
“Hi.” My voice is gruff, and I watch as goosebumps break out along her skin.
“Cold, hopeless?”
A ghost of a smile breaks out over her lips, and she shakes her head. “It’s summertime, Theo.”
I shrug. It’s playful like my heart doesn’t ache to reach out and pull her to me. Slowly, Lily steps forward until we are inches apart. She raises her hand, placing it squarely on my chest, and I swear that one touch burns its way into my soul.
