Page 106 of Penance
“Dance with me, Theo,” she whispers, and I’d follow her to the end of the world if she only just asked.
One side of my lip pulls up into a smile, and I lean down until my mouth is level with her ear. “It’d be my pleasure, hopeless.”
With Lily’s hand in mine, I walk us out onto the dance floor, pulling her to me and holding her tight like she might run away if I let her go. Several people watch us, talking behind their hands as if that doesn’t make it obvious they are talking about us, but I don’t care. Lily is in my arms, but I’m not sure how long it will last. So, I savor it for as long as she’ll let me.
The band plays a slow song, and Lily lays her head against my collarbone. My head falls to the top of her head, and we stay like that, swaying to the music for as long as it will last. The end of this song will be our goodbye. I can feel it, and I’ll have to learn to wean myself off a different type of addiction.
Lily loves me. I saw it in her eyes that day I told her how I felt at her house, but she’s too scared to make this a real thing—and I have to be willing to accept that. I’m giving myself this one song, and then I’ll walk away.
The music continues playing, and I lose myself in this moment, pretending we could have been something more. When the song ends, I kiss her temple and step back, letting her go.
I don’t look back as I walk away. I’m afraid that if I do, I’ll fall at her knees and beg her to let me love her. That’s not what Lily wants, though, and I’ll always respect that.
I’ve only made it a couple of steps when she calls my name.
Spinning around, I find her standing right where I left her, staring after me like she’s torn between letting me go and calling me back to her. I stand still, letting her decide. I could walk over to her right now, pull her into my arms, and kiss her, but I won’t because this has to be her decision.
One moment passes, then two. Then she is moving, walking my way, and I can’t stay still any longer. I reach her in two long strides, wrapping my arms and picking her up. Her lips meet mine, and I kiss her, searing her lips and branding her as mine. The kiss is short, but Lily and I are going to last a lifetime. I’ll make sure of it.
She pulls back from the kiss, but I don’t let her go. I never want to let her go again. Her cheeks are flushed, and there’s a smile on her lips that I want to put there forever.
“Can we go somewhere to talk?” she asks.
I slowly set her back on her feet, taking her hand in mine. “Come on. I know a place.”
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I lead Lily to the gardens outside the reception venue. I noticed it earlier when I came. It’s far enough away that no one will come looking for us but close enough that we can hear the music playing.
Holding the bottom of her dress, I help her sit on a bench at the side of the garden and then sit beside her. The summer air is warm as the day slowly melts into the afternoon.
Lily looks around the garden, a soft smile on her lips, and then shemeets my gaze, and that smile slips a little. Her fingers play with her necklace, a tick I’ve noticed anytime she’s nervous.
“Hey,” I say, tugging her hand away from her necklace and holding it in mine. “Talk to me.”
She closes her eyes, taking a deep breath and then blowing it back out. When her eyes open again, they meet mine, shining with tears.
“I love you, Theo, and I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before. I was scared. My mom was always addicted to drugs. At one point, she was addicted to love, and when love failed her, she turned to drugs to ease the pain. She was always the example of what I didn’t want to be. But loving you was inevitable. I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried.”
I squeeze her hand.
“I love—” I start, but she stops me.
“I need to get this out. I let my trauma lead my choices, and I didn’t listen to you when you begged me not to call social services for Morgan and Mia. I was terrified they wouldn’t have someone to take care of them, but I couldn’t see that they already did.”
With the hand not holding hers, I reach up, tucking a piece of fallen hair behind her ear. “You were doing what you thought was best, baby. I’m not mad at you for that.”
My hand cups her cheek, and she leans into it. “I am sorry, though. I talked to Abigail.”
My brows smash down. “About what?”
“After you told me Morgan and Mia had been separated, I wanted to help. I called social services several times trying to figure out how I could help, but it all came down to the same thing: Morgan is still in school and doesn’t have a job or a stable home for Mia to come into. So I found them a home.”
It’s the same information I’d gotten, too. I’d even thought about opening my home to Morgan and Mia, but with Tanner and I just building our relationship, I wasn’t sure it was best for him.
“What do you mean you found them a home?”
Lily swallows, and her fingers twitch, no doubt wanting to grab her necklace. “I went to Abigail and told her everything. She andDr. Harrison are going to open their home for Morgan and Mia, and when Morgan goes to college, they want Mia to stay. But Morgan is always welcome there. He will have a place with them. They lost their son when he was young, and I think this is their way of filling their home with laughter. They’ll take care of them. Both of them. They will have their best chance. Do you—umm—do you think Morgan will be okay with it?”
