Page 27 of Penance
Lily’s lips pinch together, and she snorts. “Of course you do. What, Theo? What is it you need?”
Reaching up, I rub at the back of my neck, hating myself for taking advantage of this moment, but if I don’t have this conversation now, I’m not sure when I will.
“Josephine is taking me back to court to get custody of Tanner.” I watch the ice across Lily’s demeanor melt in an instant.
“What? When did you find out? Howcanshe do that? You were granted emergency custody.” There’s life in her voice now, and it does something funny to my chest. I shove that feeling down, though, and shake my head.
“I was, but I knew there was a possibility that it would be temporary. I’d just hoped that, for once in her life, my ex-wife wouldn’t be selfish and do what’s best for our son.” There’s bitterness in the edges of my voice. With anyone else, I would have hidden that, but with Lily, I know I don’t have to. She may not know most things about my situation with Tanner, but she knows my ex-wife. We both know I’m right when I call the woman selfish.
“I’m sorry, Theo,” Lily says, placing her hand on my arm. Her touch burns in the best possible way. “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.”
“I was hoping you could be a character witness.” Shame washes over me for even asking. Lily’s had a hard couple of weeks. I hate adding to her plate, but there’s also nothing I won’t do for my kid—including falling to my knees and begging.
I hold my breath as I wait for her answer, ready to fall down if I need to, but she makes it too easy on me.
“Of course, I will,” she says, and that right there is why people are wrong about her. Lily may put on a mask, but there’s something special underneath it.
______________________
“Tanner James, get up. We have to go.” I’m standing in my foyer at the bottom of the steps, adjusting my tie. It’s the third time I’ve yelled that same thing up the stairs, and tension radiates off me in waves.
Teenage footsteps thunder above my head, and I clench my teeth to keep my tension to myself. Since Tanner started living with me, I’ve become an expert in footsteps.
Light and bouncy—he’s in a good mood and might say hello to me.
Hard like his foot might slam through the floor—he’s annoyed, and there will be no pleasant words exchanged. Maybe even no words at all. And since this morning it sounds like there’s a herd of elephants above my head, I’d say it’s safe to say we are both in the same kind of mood.
It’s to be expected. We go to court today, and neither of us knows what to expect. Tanner is in a place where he feels like he has to choose between his mom and me—and if we are honest, his mom has been the consistent parent in his life, even if she wasn’t a good one. If I really thought it was best for him, I’d co-parent with Josephine. No kid should be caught between the adults who brought him into theworld, but this is more than just two exes who can’t get along. It’s Tanner’s safety I’d be risking.
The footsteps finally start to descend the stairs, and I look up just in time to see Tanner stomp his way down.
“Good morning, son,” I say, forcing myself to sound normal—like this day doesn’t have high stakes for both of us.
“Yeah?” he grumbles, sitting on the bottom step and pulling on his shoes. “What makes it so good?”
“Well—nothing with that attitude, but I have some news that might make it better.”
He doesn’t bother looking up, clearly unconvinced that what I have to say will impact his day. “I doubt it.”
“Kid,” I say, tapping the side of his leg so he moves over and makes room for me to sit beside him. “I get that today is not ideal, but lose the attitude.”
The problem is that even though Tanner is my kid and in my custody, he’s a year away from being a legal adult. He’s not fully a kid anymore, but at the same time, he still has a lot to learn about life—and I know from experience that some of those lessons have to be learned the hard way. I’m constantly struggling with when to let him learn those lessons and when to be his dad.
Tanner sighs, and you’d think I’m asking him to cut off a hand rather than act like a normal human being.
“Fine, Dad. Let’s hear it,” he says with a little more enthusiasm than before, but his annoyance is still there. Nonetheless, right now, it’s good enough.
“I—uhh—I thought about the baseball thing,” I say, and his head snaps up, no longer interested in his shoestrings, but now that I have his attention, I’m suddenly nervous. I want to do right by this kid, but I’ve never managed to get it right in the past.
What if this is another mistake, and it costs him more than our relationshipthis time?
“And?” Tanner asks, and I force a smile on my lips, clapping him on his shoulder.
“And you can play,” I say reluctantly.
Tanner jumps up and spins to face where I’m still sitting on the step. “Are you serious?”
Long gone is the surly kid who stomped down the steps, and the excitement in his voice makes every gray hair I will gain this season worth it.
