Page 81 of Penance
There’s a dejected set to his shoulders as he walks away. I watch him go, my chest aching for him.
“Ms. Carson, how has your summer been?” Bella asks, pausing the movie.
I turn my attention to her just in time to see Tanner give a sharp shake of his head. I’m not an idiot. I know having his principal in his house is probably the last thing a kid wants on their summer break, but it still stings a little when Tanner brushes me off, especially because of my relationship with his dad.
Sure, we’re faking it, but if we weren’t, would he accept it?
And why does the possibility of him not sting so much when this isn’t even real?
“It’s been nice, Bella. How about you?”
“It’s been great since we’ve been out of school—” she stops, red heating up her cheeks. “I mean—”
My laugh comes out easily. “It’s okay, Bella. I’m not offended. What kid doesn’t love summer break?”
Her shoulders relax, and she smiles at me again. “Exactly.”
A phone vibrates on the side table, and that smile slips a little. “I better go check my sugars.” She looks at Tanner. “I’ll be right back.”
“Do you need help?” He moves to stand with her, but she waves him off.
“It’s fine. I’ll be right back.”
Bella disappears down the hallway, leaving just Tanner and me. I move to sit on the couch opposite of him, my heart hammering a mile a minute against my ribs. I’ve been around Tanner before—a lot actually—so what about this time makes me so nervous?
“How about you, Tanner?” I ask. “How has your summer been so far? Are you glad to be playing a sport again?”
He shoots me a look that says he’d rather be anywhere but here, but he’s too polite to ignore the question altogether. “It’s been fine, I guess.”
“Just fine?”
Tanner lifts one shoulder, letting it drop before his eyes dart down the hallway, looking for Bella. “Keeps me in shape for football.”
My brows smash down. “I thought the doctors advised you not to play anymore?”
He shrugs again. “Mom says I’ll be living with her again by that time, and it will be fine.”
A mixture of panic and rage accumulates inside my stomach. “What does your dad have to say about that?”
“I doubt he’ll care.” He keeps his eyes down the hallway, but his voice is broken enough to tell me he really believes that.
“Tanner, that’s not true—”
He finally looks at me, and there’s so much hatred and rage in his eyes that it stops me.
“Look, Ms. Carson, I like you, and I think it’s great you are dating my dad. Or whatever it is you’re doing, but you don’t know what it’s like to have a dad that wasn’t around. To have him choose alcohol over you. And now, because he’s in my life and he’s trying, I’m supposed to forget all that and move on. I know he’s trying. I get that, but sometimes, trying isn’t enough. You know?”
I do know. That is the thing. I know all too well what he is saying, and even though there are a lot of differences between Theo and my mother, who am I to point them out to him when I let my childhood trauma shape me?
So I snap my mouth shut and give him the benefit of knowing his own feelings.
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Dinner is awkward. Bella and I do most of the talking while the two men stare morosely at their food. I try to bridge the gap several times, asking questions that would force them both to talk, but they answer me in grunts and nods—both more alike than they think. After dinner, Tanner leaves to take Bella home, and I stand up, gathering everyone’s plates. Theo stops me, his fingers gently wrapping around my wrist while he takes the plates from me with the other hand.
“I’ve got it,” he says, his voice pitched into a deep whisper. He starts walking to the kitchen, and I follow him, refusing to let him clean up alone.
He drops the plates in the sink, grabs a towel, and flips it over his shoulder. It’s such a domestic move that it gives me pause. Seeing him like this does something to my chest that I’m terrified to identify, so instead, I do what I do best and avoid it. I reach for the towel to take it off his shoulder, but he catches my arm, holding onto my wrist. His thumb gently strokes the inside, and when I gasp, he pulls it to his mouth, pressing a heated kiss against my beating pulse before dropping it and grabbing my waist. He lifts me up, sitting me on the counter beside the sink.
