Page 8 of Penance
With one deep breath, I shove open the door. The house is newer and nicer than any home I ever thought I would be able to afford. It has an open concept, and you can see straight through the living room into the kitchen from the front door. Tanner is already up, sitting at the table and eating a bowl of cereal as he scrolls through his phone. Tugging off my boots, I throw them into the closet.
Tanner doesn’t bother looking up as I cross the living room, my footsteps heavy against the hardwood floor.
“Hey, son,” I say, walking over to the cabinets and pulling out a bowl. “How was your night?”
“Fine.”
I’ve gotten used to these one-word answers. The only time that Tanner and Ireallytalk is when I force him to, and this morning, I’m so tired I don’t know if I have the energy to force it out of him. But I’m a dad. Good dads never run out of energy, and I’m trying hard to be a good dad. So I muster the last of my strength and try again.
“Do anything exciting last night?” Sitting beside him and grabbing the cereal box, I try to keep things casual. Pretending to care too much about his night will be the first thing to push this conversation off the cliff. I also learned that the hard way.
“Nope.”
The kid will cause me to go gray at the age of thirty-five, but he’s earned his right to hold back with me. His mom and I had him when we were young. We were both seniors in high school, and the only thing to do was to get married.
Josephine and I were from two different worlds. Her family had money, and mine could barely afford the clothes on our backs. I lovedher, though. Or at least I thought I did. Her family cut her off for marrying me. I thought I could make her happy, but Josephine is only happy when there’s money involved. Her true colors started to show when I couldn’t provide her with the type of lifestyle she was used to. She ran back to her family, but they would only take her back if she left me. The divorce was messy. I used every dime I could to keep custody of Tanner, but in the end, her family was lining the judge’s pocket, and mine was out, causing trouble. I lost Tanner, and that was the day I started drinking. It’s easy to become an addict when you have nothing left to live for.
I’m here now, though, and I’m trying. And that’s another reason I need to stay away from Lily. She’d become another addiction, and that’s not fair to Tanner.
Tanner is still crunching on his cereal and scrolling through his phone, ignoring my presence, which means I’ll have to pull out the big guns. In a few minutes, I’ll head to bed while he heads out for his summer job. It’s the first day of summer break, and with our schedules, we won’t see much of each other. I would like to have one good conversation before that happens. So, I go for the shock factor. The one thing I know will grab his attention.
“That’s good, son. My night was good, too. I filled out some paperwork, watched some television with the guys, and—oh yeah, responded to a fire at the community building and saved your principal out of a tree.”
“YOU WHAT?” The sound of his phone clattering against the counter makes me smirk, but I shove a bite of cereal into my mouth to hide it. “Dad, you can’t just say something like that and then not explain. Is Ms. Carson okay? What happened? Why didn’t you start with that?”
I chuckle, the sound coming from deep in my chest. Tanner’s frosty demeanor vanishes, and a little of my weariness slides away with eachquestion he asks.
“If you’re really sure you want to know,” I say, dragging out each word, “I’ll tell you—”
“Of course, I want to know,” Tanner interrupts. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Well, you weren’t very talkative when I came in. I figured you were looking for some peace and quiet.”
I continue to eat my cereal, trying to keep this conversation on the right path, but that’s hard to do when it continuously feels like I’m walking on a tightrope.
Tanner ducks his head, the tips of his ears turning a brilliant red. “I was texting Bella.”
Bella is a girl at Tanner’s school. She was a freshman this last year while Tanner was a junior. They spent a lot of time together during the school year. Tanner claims they are just friends, but I have a feeling he sees her as more.
“Are you dating that girl yet?”
“Dad….” He says my name with a sharp clip. I’m always toeing the line of losing with Tanner, and I never know what will push me over the edge. I lift my hands, pleading innocence, and change the subject.
“Ms. Carson is fine. She’ll be a little sore, but she’s fine. But the community building—”
A sharp knock at the front door interrupts me. My jaw tightens, and I try not to let the flash of irritation running down my spine show. It never fails. Every time Tanner and I have a moment of connection, something interrupts it. Usually, it’s my ex-wife. She has a knack for ruining things.
“I’ll get it,” Tanner says, standing and putting his bowl in the sink. “It’s probably Coach. He said something about dropping off the summer workout plan today.”
My grip tightens around the spoon. Hayes Miller is the bane of my existence, but I’m also grateful to him for saving my son. So I put upwith him for Tanner’s sake.
Tanner darts out of the kitchen, and I scarf down the rest of my cereal, suddenly more exhausted than I was. Keeping my back to the living room, I walk to the sink. I don’t have the energy to fake a smile with the man today.
I hear the front door open, and Hayes’s voice rumbles through the room. I take my time scrubbing out my bowl—to the point I’m surprised the thing doesn’t break in half.
“Dad?” When the door closes and Tanner calls my name, I sigh in relief. Hayes will always have my respect for what he’s done for Tanner, but there are only so many times a man can take having the fact that his son has a better relationship with someone else rubbed in his face.
“Yeah, kid?” I yell, drying my hands on the dish towel before hanging it to dry. With the coast clear and the football coach gone, I spin around, resting my aching back against the counter, only to find Hayes Miller and his partner in crime, Campbell Richards, sitting at the bar, eating out ofmycereal box.
