Page 70 of The Best Kind of Forever

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November 10th, Friday, 3:04 p.m.

THE SIX DICKS WITH STICKS

GAGE:H, what are we doing for your birthday?

HAYES:Nothing.

BRISTOL:You seriously don’t want to do anything?

HAYES:No. And if you cumguzzlers try to throw something, I’ll shove my foot so far up each of your asses that you’ll be able to taste me in your mouths.

GAGE:Jesus.

FULTON:Come on, you old grump. Can’t we at least eat some cake and bingeWestworldor something?

KIT:Yeah, Hayesy. You only turn twenty-four once.

HAYES:Never call me that. Ever.

FULTON:TWENTY-FOUR? HOLY SHIT, YOU’RE OLD.

GAGE:Dude! That’s so rude. Don’t say that.

BRISTOL:Just a small get together, H. It won’t kill you.

HAYES:No, no, and no. I don’t like celebrating my birthday.

CASEN:It’s 5-1, buddy. You’ve been outvoted.

HAYES:Yeah, but sinceI’mthe birthday boy, my vote counts for more. So it’s actually like 5-15.

KIT:How?

HAYES:For every one of your votes, my vote counts for three times that.

KIT:In what fucked-up universe?

HAYES:This one, bitch.

CASEN:Josie says you’re being ridiculous.

FULTON:Ooh, tell Josie I said hi!

CASEN:She says hi back.

GAGE:Ugh, fine. We won’t do anything for you, you ungrateful geezer.

HAYES:Good. Thank you. Now stop bugging me about it.

Gage removed Hayes from the conversation

November 10th, Friday, 3:15 p.m.

GAGE:So who’s ordering the stripper?

32

A SISTER-SIZED SURPRISE

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