Page 83 of The Best Kind of Forever
“I’m so sorry, Aeris,” she consoles, her free hand tightening the sweater around her shoulders. “Did you love him?”
Moisture wells in my eyes, and I stare hollowly at the lemon square I’d been nibbling on. “I did. I loved him more than I thought was humanly possible, Mom.”
“Do you want to mend things? Do you want to give him a second chance?”
“If I give him a second chance, I’m just giving him another opportunity to break my heart.” I need a padlock on my heart with the way it’s close to beating out of my chest.
“I’ll support whatever you choose to do. But you can’t be afraid to love. Real love—true love—is worth fighting for, no matter the wounds you get in the process,” she says, using her sleeve to paw at my sodden cheeks.
My mother’s desserts are rotting into sludge in my belly. “I can’t fight. I don’t…I don’t have it in me,” I whisper brokenly.
“Oh, sweetheart.” She comes over to my side and kneels down next to me. “I know you’re tired. Your heart’s been through so much.”
The breath I had spools out of me, only to be replaced by a string of painful hiccups.
“You probably won’t want to hear this, but if you truly love this man, you need to fight for what you had. Think about your brother. Your brother didn’t fight for love, and he lost his fight. I don’t want you to go down the same path. You’re a fighter, Aeris. I know you are. You have been your whole life.”
She’s wrong. I haven’t been fighting. I haven’t been living. I’ve been letting myself drown, wave after excruciating wave. Everything I do, every relationship I have—it’s all dictated by the trauma from my past. It’s like I don’t know how to function without pain.
“I’m not a fighter.”
“You are. You’re the strongest person I know. I haven’t done a lot with my time on this Earth, but the one thing I’ll always take pride in is having you. I’m so proud of how you turned out,” she cries, the turbulent movement of her chest actively working against her words.
A sleet of tears sluices down my cheeks, and my nostrils sting. “I love you, Mom.”
Water floods my mother’s face, hope flickering behind her sad eyes. She embraces me, and even though it’s been a lifetime since we hugged, I still remember her touch vividly.
“I love you, Aeris. When you leave, I want you to fight for the life you had with him. If he’s there, laying his heart out for you, offering you the love I know you deserve, then consider taking it.”
I mop the rest of my tears up, only having the physical energy to nod.
“I heard you and your father talking last night. I…I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to come to terms with how horrible he’s treated you,” she says, and for the first time in forever, anger snags on her words.
I’ve never seen my mother angry before. I didn’t think she had a mean bone in her body.
“I should’ve left him a long time ago. And after seeing you again, I realize now that I can’t put it off any longer. I want to be able to see you all the time. I want to be able to have a relationship with my daughter. Michael, he never—”
“It’s okay, Mom. I don’t blame you for what Dad made you do. I’m just glad you’re going to get out. And if you ever need a place to stay, you’re welcome to come live with me,” I tell her.
She cups my face in her hands and knocks her forehead against mine. “I’m going to move in with an old friend from high school. But I’m going to come see you as soon as I get settled, okay?”
In that moment, something in my mother switches. Her hands don’t feel so cold anymore, and there’s a tint of color in her cheeks.
My lips sling into a smile. “Okay.”
Amidst everything that’s happened—from my fallout with Hayes to confronting my father—I didn’t think I’d be capable of feeling happiness again until weeks or months of mental recovery. But here, with my mother, making up for lost time, I feel it.
I feel the tiniest spark of happiness that reminds me I’ll be okay.
38
A LAST CHANCE AT REDEMPTION
HAYES
It’s been two days since Aeris broke up with me. And I’ve deserved every miserable second of it.
The cold bite from the bench has my ass half-frozen, and I’ve been watching my teammates practice for the upcoming game. I feel useless not being able to help them—even though I’m pretty sure I’d do more harm than good in my current mental state.
