Page 85 of The Best Kind of Forever
I’ve never had a panic attack before. Not even after my mother died.
“How did you know what to do?”
He rubs the back of his neck. “I, uh, I used to get them when I was younger. Usually before hockey games or tests—high-stress situations.”
How did I not know? Bristol and I have been friends since third grade. I’m such a shitty friend. I didn’t take his advice when he gave it to me, and now, everything’s blown up in my face. If I’d only just listened to him.
“Look, I know things seem hopeless right now, but you two can come back from this. It can be fixed. It can always be fixed,” Bristol insists, though his efforts fail to abate the pain rioting inside me.
When Aeris walked away from me, she unknowingly put a crack in me. A crack that’ll continue to grow with time. A crack that, left untreated, will make me break because I’ll be unable to withstand the weight of the world bearing down on my shoulders.
“Maybe it’s not supposed to be fixed,” I admit, visceral guilt jamming the lining of my throat.
“What do you mean?” he asks.
Grief flourishes through my body. “Think about it, Bri. We didn’t get together under the right terms. She was never mine to lose to begin with.”
I feel like I’m watching my whole world crumble before my very eyes. I’m on the other side of the looking glass, unable to speak or move, standing by as the best thing that’s ever happened to me slowly evaporates out of my life.
“You have the chance to do the right thing, H.”
I struggle to find my voice. “What are you talking about?”
Aeris doesn’t want to see me, and I want to respect her wishes. She made it clear that we were done. But I didn’t even try to fight for her…forus. I just let her walk away.
“If you really regret everything—which I know you do—you need to show her. You can’t just tell her. You need to show her how much she means to you, and you need to make her believe it. You need to win her back.”
39
THE WAKEUP CALL OF THE CENTURY
AERIS
It’s been two days. And they’ve been the worst forty-eight hours of my life.
No contact with the outside world, no contact with the guys, no contact with Hayes. I lied to my boss about getting the flu so I wouldn’t have to focus on work—and she thankfully believed me. I don’t remember the last time I saw the sun or breathed fresh air. I also don’t remember the last time I didn’t smell like two skunks fornicated in a sewer drain.
I’ve been sleeping fourteen hours because it’s easier for me to be unconscious than to have to think about everything Hayes put me through. But this is the day that sleeping cycle apparently ends.
Lila yanks back the curtains on my window, showering me in harsh sunlight.
I groan, pulling the covers up over my head, wishing she would just leave me to rot in my bed.
“Aer-Bear, you need to get up. And eat. And shower,” she says, gently pulling back my comforter. The pity in her voice extends to burdened eyes, and she sits down next to me, brushing my hair out of my face.
“Leave me alone, Lila.”
A frown catches the corner of her lips. “As your designated best friend, I can’t leave you alone. Not when you’re this miserable.”
A slew of tears begins to mutilate my vision, and I’m too late to stop the water from dancing down my cheeks. “I can’t do this. It hurts so much. Everything hurts. I—I feel like I can’t breathe. I can’t think about anything other than him. And the worst part of it all is that I still love him. I love him so much.”
“Oh, love,” Lila murmurs, making me look up at her. “That kind of love doesn’t just disappear overnight. It’s okay that you still feel that way about him. Your love is your strength.”
I want to pull away from her, but I don’t. “But it’s not. It’s what got me into this mess in the first place.”
“Do you know how lucky Hayes is to have someone like you who loves him?”
“I—” My heart splinters as my retort dies in my mouth.
