Page 86 of The Best Kind of Forever
Arguing with Lila is an inevitable loss, and I don’t have the strength to argue right now. The damage has already been done.
I don’t know how Hayes is doing. Does a twisted part of me hope that he’s just as miserable? Yes. But does the part of me that still loves him hope he’s moving on with his life? Yes.
“Come on,” Lila coos, taking my hand in hers and helping me to my feet.
I have a wicked cramp from lying down all day, and I move so slowly that it feels like my legs are stuck in molasses. My mind’s reached the summit of the anxiety rollercoaster, and now the fifty-foot drop is making my head ache and my eyes strain.
I let Lila drag me into the kitchen as she heats up some leftover Chinese takeout. The mouthwatering smell awakens the beast in my stomach, reminding me just how long it’s been since I’ve eaten.
She’s watching me with those eagle eyes of hers, her arms pinned over her chest.
“Do you think I’m being too harsh on him?” I ask, swallowing a cumbersome noodle lump.
“Frankly, I don’t think you were harsh enough. I mean, if you weren’t still madly in love with him, I’d pop all the segments of his spine out like pieces of Pez.”
“That’s…disturbingly specific.”
Lila laughs, and it’s the first great sound I’ve heard in a while. “You know how protective I am over you,” she replies, bending over to give me a much-needed hug. She smells like fresh jasmine, and her hands are soft as they rove my back. But as much as I love Lila’s hugs, I can’t stop thinking about being in Hayes’ arms instead.
Come on, Aeris. Have some respect for yourself. He lied to you. He played you.
But he also loved you when you couldn’t love yourself.
I push my food away. “Do you think I should forgive him?”
His phantom presence continues to be a thorn in my side, one that I don’t want to remove despite the pain.
“I think you need to worry about your own heart for once. I think you’ll know when you’ve had some time to heal. You’ve always ever worried about others. Now it’s time to put yourself first.”
Lila’s right. I’ve never put myself first. I’ve never shown myself the kindness that I know I deserve. As much as it hurts, I made the right decision—the decision that’ll protect me from further heartache in the future.
40
DEAR AERIS…
HAYES
Ididn’t think I’d be giving theKnights of the Sound Boothanother hot headline, but here I am. Deacon and Oliver were kind enough to squeeze me in on short notice, and I gave them box seat tickets for the rest of the season.
After my talk with Bristol, I spent hours and hours trying to come up with some way to show Aeris how real my feelings are for her, and then it hit me.
It might be predictable. It might be over the top. But the message will get to her, and that’s all I need. I don’t care about my reputation. I don’t care about getting traded. The only thing I care about is getting my girl back.
I quell the nervousness bubbling in my gut as the red light in the recording studio blinks to life.
Deacon adjusts his headphones. “Hayes! It’s great to have you back on the podcast, buddy.”
I thread my fingers through my hair and give them what I hope is a friendly enough laugh. “Of course. Thank you for letting me, uh, come on such short notice.”
Oliver nods. “And what’s on the agenda for today?” he asks.
Fear crashes into me like an eighteen-wheeler, and my lower lip is close to bleeding from all the gnawing I’ve accomplished in an alarmingly short time frame.
It’s now or never.
“I’m here to talk about my girlfriend…orex-girlfriend.”
“I sense a grand gesture coming on,” Deacon says.
