Page 93 of The Worst Kind of Promise
I freeze, instant regret consuming every inch of me, and no further words leave my mouth. My throat constricts as if there’s the edge of a serrated switchblade pressed to my carotid, my sharp-toothed remarks lost adrift in a sea of newfound sensibility. I can’t believe I just said that. It wasn’t supposed to come out like that. That’s not how I wanted to tell him. I wasn’t thinking. It just…slipped out.
Hayes waits for an answer, an elaboration,anything, but I can’t bring myself to open my lips. I can’t bring myself to breathe. I don’t know if I can even look at him anymore. I feel so ashamed, and that’s a feeling I’d grown to ignore. I think maybe the reason I kept this from my brother for so long wasn’t out of fear of how he’d react, but of how he’dseeme.
Hayes turns to Kit, but his head remains lowered, eyes downturned. “Did you know?”
Kit opens his mouth to answer him, but nothing comes out.
Everywhere I go, chaos follows. I brought this chaos into Kit’s life, and now my brother is caught in the maelstrom. I could’ve stayed away. I could’ve kept this from both of them, and they would’ve been better off. But I was selfish. I dumped all of this on their doorstep for them to deal with the ramifications instead of dealing with them myself. And despite me being freed from the pain I’ve been carrying for years now, my liberation comes at the price of my brother’s happiness. A price I wasn’t willing to pay.
My brother doesn’t say anything else. He doesn’t continue with his rampage. He doesn’t continue defaming Kit’s character. He’s speechless for the first time. I don’t know where to go from here. Nobody does.
Even though I doubt he’ll let me touch him, I extend my hand anyways. “Hayes, I…”
He’s gone before I get halfway through my sentence—not that there’s anything I could’ve said to get him to stay. The doorway is empty, as is the rest of the house, and I have no idea where he’s gone or how long he’ll be gone for. I’ve never felt the lack of someone’s presence so heavily before.
And I’m afraid that I’ll have to get used to that feeling.
35
THE PRINCESS’S DOWNFALL
KIT
Faye hasn’t come out of the room in days. She hasn’t talked to me. She’s rotting in bed, and I don’t know how to fix any of this. Hayes hasn’t come home, either. Aeris texted me that he’s staying with her while he works through whatever he’s feeling. I want to yell at him to get his ass back here and apologize, to act like the fucking adult he is, but I don’t know if I’d be doing more harm than good. Maybe space is what they both need right now.
The rest of the guys loosely know what’s going on. Not about Faye’s rape, but about me and Faye. The tension is palpably thick in the house. Nobody’s choosing sides. I think they’re all trying to be there for both me and Hayes in their own way. I appreciate them, I do. But their words don’t make me feel better.
I feel like shit for what Faye’s going through right now. For letting the argument get so out of hand. I didn’t do anything. I was trying to take the blame. I would’ve happily taken the blame if it meant Faye was dealing withhalfthe pain she is now. But everything escalated so quickly that I couldn’t rein in the conversation.
I heard what Hayes said about me. And at the time, it hurt like a head bash to the ice. It wasn’t even necessarily the way he said it. It was more so the fact that deep down, I knew he was right. None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t pursued Faye. Her life would’ve been a lot simpler if I’d stayed away from her.
Tray between my hands, I lightly nudge the door to my room open with my shoulder, already knowing what will greet me on the other side. Faye lies in a cramped ball with all the sheets pulled up to her face, looking impossibly small in my king-sized bed. At first glance, I can barely even see her. The only indication that there’s any life underneath that stockpile of blankets is the strands of unwashed hair peeking out over the pillows.
I sit down on the edge of the mattress—doing my best not to rouse her—and I place the tray beside me. I made it my mission to get better at cooking for her, especially after she forced herself to eat my burnt pancakes. Today, I’ve made her a turkey and pesto sandwich since she needs the protein. She’s lost weight. I’ve been bringing her food every few hours, and each time, she only eats a small portion of it.
I set a box of miniature Junior Mints—from my extensive collection—on the nightstand, hoping that maybe it’ll tempt her to eat. Fuck. Seeing her like this destroys me. Not just breaks, not just crushes, but fully dismantles my entire world.
I rest my hand on her ankle. “Princess, you need to eat.”
She stirs to tell me she’s awake, but she doesn’t pull the covers down.
“Faye,” I try again, whittling my voice down to a soft whisper. “Please look at me.”
I don’t know how to describe it, but my heart doesn’t even feel like it’smine. Every emotion I feel comes directly through Faye. Sadness, predominantly. So much sadness that no single person could possibly endure on their own.
She barely inches her head out of her cave, peering at me from beyond her security blanket. Sob-impaired words tumble out of her mouth, like she didn’t mean to say them in the first place. “I can’t.”
I squeeze her ankle in silent reassurance. “You can. Just for a second. Please.”
A long-winded sigh comes from the girl next to me, and slowly, she rolls the sheets down enough for me to get a glimpse of her beautiful face. Her skin has paled—a stark contrast from the tan she acquired over the summer—and her tangled hair falls into her red-rimmed eyes. Her cheeks look sunken in, the circles under her eyelids are purple, and dried blood crusts over her lower lip from where she’s been tearing the skin off. But in spite of everything, she’s still just as beautiful.
In that moment, love overhauls all the distress I’ve been feeling for the past few days. Much-needed love that has a smile emerging on my mouth and my heart pulsing with renewed energy. “My beautiful girl.”
“I don’t want you to see me like this,” she says quietly.
“I’m not leaving you, Faye. I’m not leaving you alone to deal with this.”
I lean forward to push a lock of hair behind her ear, but instead, I catch a tear rolling down the hill of her cheek. I brush it away with my thumb before it can cover any more distance.
