Page 97 of The Worst Kind of Promise
“I don’t just owe Faye an apology. I owe you one too,” he starts, lips reshaped into a frown, and I can feel the projection of his penitence vault over me.
“Hayes, you don’t—”
He cuts me off. “I do. You were there for Faye when I couldn’t be. You took care of her, even knowing that I’d lose my shit if I found out that you two were together.”
I guess I never saw it that way. Taking care of Faye never felt like a job or a responsibility. It was just something inherent, a response that had been ingrained into my DNA and was as natural to me as breathing. There’s nothing I regret from our time together. The tears, the pain…it was all worth every second I got to love her.
I open my mouth to say something, but Hayes continues.
“I was wrong when I said you weren’t good enough for her. I was wrong to assume things about you that aren’t true anymore. I shouldn’t have done that. I’ve always been protective of Faye, but in doing so, I guess I kept her from getting close to anyone.”
Hayes had every right to think those things about me. I have a terrible history with women; not as bad as him, but nothing to be proud about. But ever since Faye, I barely even remember my love life before her. I can’t believe I even wasted time pursuing girls who weren’t her. It was always going to be Faye.
“You were just trying to look out for her,” I point out.
I would’ve been offended if Hayes was making things up in order to villainize me, but everything he said was true at one point. I always felt a sneaking suspicion that I was never good enough for Faye. It’s hard to be good enough for the person who’s perfect in your eyes. The person’s whose happiness could outshine the sun, whose laugh could put angels to sleep, whose beauty could rival Aphrodite’s, whose touch could melt an ice cap.
“I went about it the wrong way,” he argues with chagrin.
My heart stomps out a discordant beat, and I can feel the eye of the storm slowly begin to pass, taking with it the plague of unclearable darkness. “No one is innocent here. We all contributed to hurting one another in our own way. But I forgive you, Hayes. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me one day.”
“I don’t know if I was ever really mad at you two being together,” he admits, teasing his fingers through his mane of hair. “I think I was just hurt that you kept it from me for so long.”
“If I’m being honest, I didn’t think it would last this long. I thought for sure your sister would’ve kicked me to the curb by now.”
Hayes laughs, and crinkles spring underneath his eyes, bearing an uncanny likeness to his sister. It feels so good to hear him laugh. We used to laugh about the most stupid shit, like speed running scary video games at one in the morning or pranking the rest of the guys by putting Saran wrap over the toilet seat. The house used to be a lot less heavy when there weren’t any secrets to come between us.
He shakes his head. “That never would’ve happened. When Faye loves someone, she’s with them until the very end.”
Through the whole mess of things, I hadn’t even realized that she’d told Hayes she loved me. But now it’s as clear as day, on repeat in my head.
If you wanted what was best for me, you’d accept whoever I fell in love with, no matter who they were.
The memory commands a shiver from my body, something warm uncoiling in my belly. I miss her already. All I want to do is go back home and fall asleep with her in my arms. She only has a few days left before she has to head back to Pennsylvania. I know the distance isn’t that far—and no distance could keep me from her—but I’m going to miss not seeing her every day. And once the season starts, I won’t be able to visit her as often.
Two more years, Kit. She has two more years of undergrad, and then she’s yours.
I’ve thought a lot about our future together. I’m going to support whatever career path she chooses, and if she doesn’t choose anything, I’ll make more than enough money to support both of us. I don’t know if she wants kids. I never really saw them as being a part of my life, but fuck, having a family with Faye is probably the biggest dream I have now. Bigger than winning the Stanley Cup, bigger than having the most goals in NHL history. All of that seems so inconsequential in comparison.
“You know, I should’ve seen it coming sooner.” Hayes tosses me a small smile.
Even though the truth is out now, I still freeze like I’ve been caught red-handed. “Huh?”
Hayes bends down to reach his discarded hockey stick, juggling it between his hands listlessly. “The incident with KJ, you choosing her during Gage’s drinking game, you giving her your room, you missing practices, how you’d mysteriously disappear from the couch late at night and never return.”
Embarrassment quilts my cheeks in a bright blush. “You noticed that I wasn’t sleeping on the couch?”
“When I got up to piss or get water, yeah. I thought you were just sneaking off to go meet up with a girl or something, but then it just kept happening.”
Oh, God. This is a lot more awkward than I thought it would be. I don’t think I’m pink anymore—I’m bullseye red.
All Hayes does is chuckle at my flustered expression, using the blade of his stick to swoop up a lone puck and balance it. “Relax. It was your room to begin with. It’s not like you guys were—”
His head snaps to the penalty box.
Then to me.
Then the box.
