Page 27 of The Cruelest Kind of Hate
“Seriously. It was like being baptized.”
The tiniest of smiles creeps over her lips. I don’t think I ever expected Cali to have such a vulnerable side to her, but now that I’ve gotten a glimpse of it, I can’t wait to see it again.
10
INTERVENTION TIME
GAGE
“Dude, I’m so fucked,” I groan, face-planting onto our table and rattling the silverware.
I feel Fulton pat me comfortingly on the head. “Aw, Gage. Everything’s going to be okay,” he tries, but his pity is practically tangible at this point, and it’s almost as hard to swallow as the now-cold refried beans merging with the soggy tortilla chips on my plate.
“I had no idea the night was going to end like that. Like, yeah, I’m glad it ended like that, but now I’m headed straight for Caliville, and the brakes on the fucking car don’t work, and I’ve never really fallen for a girl before, and it’s all so scary, and?—”
“I’m gonna be honest with you. I heard, like, none of what you just said,” Fulton tells me.
I lift my head up with an exasperated sigh, embarrassment slingshotting through my entire body and making it that much more difficult to sulk in peace. “I think I’m really falling for this girl,” I rephrase, and I’m ninety-nine percent positive that all my admission has done is exacerbate the blush pooling in my cheeks.
This is a big change for someone like me. Someone who’snever fallen for a girl before. Someone who prides himself on being a ladies’ man, when in reality, I couldn’t be further from it. I can’t stop thinking about Cali. I can’t stop thinking about the incredible night we had together, and how it ended on an even more incredible high note with her giving me a glimpse of the soft, vulnerable side I know is under that cold exterior. Getting physical with someone too early never bodes well in the, um,emotionaldevelopment side of things. If I was already feeling drawn to Cali emotionally, eating her out—which I don’t regret one bit, obviously—just made everything ten times more complicated.
I know I’m going to keep falling for Cali, and I also know she’s probably not going to fall for me. It hurts, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t just force myself to stop feeling things for her. And I can’t force her to feel things for me.
Fulton scoops up a hearty mountain of cheese, beans, sour cream, and chopped tomatoes on a flimsy tortilla chip, shoving the whole thing into his mouth while my own meal sits untouched, wasting twenty expensive dollars for gas station-quality nachos. I couldn’t eat if I wanted to. Nausea tears through my stomach, accented by thosewonderfulbutterflies that have decided to take permanent residence in my gut for the foreseeable future.
Fulton’s brows pitch upwards. “That doesn’t sound like a bad thing.”
“It is! It’s a terrible thing, Ful. I don’t think she feels the same way about me.” I’m one unsteady breath away from hyperventilating.
“I’m sure that’s not true?—”
I lean over and yank Fulton by the collar of his shirt, shaking the table from the sudden hitch of movement, and I bring him so close that our foreheads are inches from touching. I want him to see the lunacy in my eyes. I want him to see the disastrousstate of my appearance because Cali’s been haunting me ever since that life-changing night. My hair hasn’t seen a shower or comb in days, I’m riper than a jockstrap, and I’m wearing a jacket with so many mystery stains that it should be a goddamn health hazard.
“It is true. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes. And I really, really fucking like her. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should keep investing time in this…situationship…if she’ll never truly be interested.”
Fulton’s shaking in fear, and the volume of our not-so-private conversation has broken through the quiet calm of the restaurant, garnering some particularly hateful evil eyes from the people around us.
“Dude, you’re scaring me,” Fulton whispers, eyes so wide I can see my crazy, disproportionate reflection in them.
“You should be scared,” I hiss.
He gulps and glances down at the death grip I have on his shirt, and I reluctantly release him, slumping back into the booth with another sigh that seems to echo off the brightly painted walls. I’m losing it, and the worst part is, Cali has no idea what she’s doing to me. I’m suffering all by my lonesome. I’m the only person to blame for being in this mess. I justhadto make a deal with her for the next three months.
I’ve always kept women at an arm’s length to abstain from growing close to them, probably because of a harrowing loss I experienced in the past. I know firsthand how losing someone destroys a person. But I don’t want to choose that route this time. Cali’s different.
I always felt a surface-level attraction in my past relationships. They were great girls, but I never experienced any deeper emotion for them aside from a few skipped heartbeats here and there. With Cali, I can feel my hearteverywhere. In my throat, inmy stomach, in the soles of my feet. Anatomically speaking, I’m pretty sure that’s not supposed to happen.
Fulton sweeps a hand through his hair. “Okay, okay. I can tell that this is really bothering you, so I might have a solution.”
The last bit of my composure nearly boils over like a shrieking kettle on a too-hot stove. “What? Oh my God. I’ll do whatever I have to.”
I just need to…relax. I need to take it down a few hundred notches and realize that I’m blowing things out of proportion. What if Cali does like me, but she just shows it in a different way?
No, Gage. That’s ridiculous. Cali doesn’t look at you like anyone other than a fuck buddy. I mean, that’s what we are, aren’t we? We’re not together. And she’s made it clear that she doesn’t want tobetogether. So the smart thing to do would be to nip this thing in the bud before I make our business relationship more complicated.
But I’ve never been very smart. At least, not in the ways it matters.
“Did you bring weed with you?” I ask in a conspiratorial whisper, my gaze darting to where a joint may or may not be hiding in his pocket right now.
