Page 29 of The Cruelest Kind of Hate
I fish my phone out of my pocket and go to the Sexy Stilettos website—which I was NOT stalking—and scroll down to Cali’s professional headshot. I hand Hayes my phone, and he looks it over with concentrated focus. Everyone else at the table leans over to assess the rationality behind my minor breakdown, all murmuring in agreement with themselves.
“Mm-hm,” Hayes concludes. “Just what I thought.”
“What?” I ask, a low-level panic beginning to take the shape of a lead weight in my stomach.
Hayes pretends to shake his head like he’s harboring bad news, and then a chuckle sneaks out of him. “She’s way out of your league.”
I groan and fold my arms over my eyes to block out the teasing looks on my teammates’ faces, slouching further into the booth to hide from the humiliation that never seems to give me a fucking break.
“Don’t you think I know that? She’s beautiful. That just makes it ten times worse.” My words are muffled against my arms, but I’m not ready to face their annoying grins or pitiful stares. So far, Fulton’s “solution” hasn’t fixed anything. The only thing that’s come out of this intervention has been a half-baked plan of revenge for those who’ve wronged me (i.e. my teammates) and the bruised state of my dignity.
If you’re wondering, I’m going to glitter bomb their rooms. Glitter on the ceiling fan. Glitter in their beds. Glitter everywhere.
“They’re being idiots,” Bristol says to me, branching out from the main conversation that all the other guys seem to be having.
“What’sreallygoing on, Gage?”
I slowly begin to move my arms off my face, feeling heat lick the back of my neck. I’ve walked this familiar path of shame before, and it’s a dead end. Actually, it’s a bluff that leads to a very jagged rock at the bottom. “I really like Cali, but she doesn’t reciprocate my feelings…at least, not to the same degree. And I don’t know whether I should see things through with her in hopes that maybe one day she’ll feel the same way, or cut things off completely before she stomps on my heart with her perfect stilettos.”
Would she actually stomp on my heart? Probably not, but what do I know?
“You’re worried if the relationship is worth pursuing,” Bristol summarizes.
“It’s not even a relationship,” I admit, swiping my finger through the condensation on my water glass.
I feel like this is an endless cycle. Me chasing after Cali—her giving me the “just friends” speech. Just because she was vulnerable with me for a single moment doesn’t mean she’s ready to be vulnerable with me in other areas. And of course I’d be willing to wait for her…but there’s a part of me that feels like a giant idiot who can’t take a simple hint. I don’t want to get my heart broken, and I know she has the strength to do it if she chooses. Hell, she has enough strength in her pinky finger alone.
She’s got me in the palm of her hand, and she doesn’t even know it.
Bristol’s lips nudge into a warm-hearted smile. “I don’t know if this is what you want to hear, but if your girl is worth theheartbreak and the waiting and the sleepless nights of overthinking, then she’ll also be worth the possible love. You don’t know how she feels. Maybe she just needs time, or maybe she’s feeling the exact same way you are.”
My head perks up. “You really think so?”
“You talk about her all the time. It’s clear you really like her. I know you’re scared of wasting your effort and getting your heart broken, but you shouldn’t keep those fears from pursuing a connection that may truly be there. Heartbreak and love go hand in hand with one another. It just depends on whether that heartbreak is permanent.”
Bristol’s right—like he always is. I can’t predict the future. I can’t feel other people’s emotions. I’m only in control of myself. The heartbreak and the waiting and the sleepless nights of overthinkingareworth it for Cali. Everything is worth it for Cali.
Even if she never felt the same way about me, that wouldn’t stop me from being in her life. As much as it would pain me to know she doesn’t reciprocate my feelings, it would pain me even more to stop being around her. She makes me sane. She makes mehappy.
“Is she worth it?” Bristol asks, grabbing a chip from the nearly demolished plate on the table.
She is, my heart says.I know she is.
11
MURPHY’S LAW
CALISTA
“Harder!” I scream.
“Oh, fuuuck. I—I can’t…”
“Don’t be a wimp. HARDER!”
“You seriously want me to go harder?”
“YES!”
