Page 54 of The Last Kind of Kiss
I scrub a hand down my weary face, expelling an agitated sigh from between my cracked lips. I wish I could blame my hushed register on the taste of battery acid in my mouth, but it’s more due to the shame that sunders me like an axe through a stock of firewood. “I didn’t tell her the full story.”
“Bristol,” he begins to chide.
“I know, I know. It slipped my mind, alright? So much was going on, and I couldn’t think straight.”
“Whatdidn’tyou tell her?”
I don’t want to replay the talk Lila and I just had. It’s all I’ve been doing for the past three hours. In fact, I actuallydon’twant to think about this anymore. I want to find the closest handle of alcohol, drown my mistakes with enough liquor to hospitalize a damn cow, then go into a subsequent hibernation for an entire week so I can pretend my problems don’t have any consequences.
“That I…that I still have Summit’s engagement ring,” I whisper beneath my breath, though I don’t know why because a confession like that is loud enough to break the sound barrier.
Hayes chooses to step into the room, slams the door behind him to give us some privacy, and flicks on the lights all in one go. “Dude, that’s a huge thing to forget!”
I squint my eyes. “Thanks, Hayes. I’m aware.”
“Sorry, I just—don’t you think she’ll be understanding of this too? If she was so understanding about your past?” he asks, slowly making his way over to me.
“I don’t know. I mean, I want to tell her. She deserves to know. But it’ll…it’ll destroy her if she finds out.”
And I’ve already shattered this girl beyond repair.
I scoot over a bit to make some room, wishing I had at least spot-cleaned before allowing someone to get this close to the, um,danger zone.
With the freed-up space, Hayes sits down next to me, lightly bumping his shoulder with mine. “The ring doesn’t mean anything to you still, does it?”
The ring used to be a coping mechanism for me whenever things got hard, but…I don’t use it for that purpose anymore. Now it’s just a piece of jewelry from my past, collecting dust in a dresser at my parents’ log cabin. I don’t need to rely on the ring anymore because—well, because I found someone who strengthens and stabilizes me in a way that some cheap gold never could.
If I want Lila to be my future, then I have to start treating her like it. I have to stop bringing up the past. I need to…I need to show her that what we have goes way beyond fake dating.
I shake my head, blinking through the burn in my eyes—a burn not brought on by the lighting. “Not as much as Lila. Fuck, Hayes. This girl means everything to me. I can’t lose her again. I don’t even know if Ihaveher right now.”
“Then let the truth come out naturally, but let her hear it from you, okay? If you’ve moved on from Summit, keeping her ring out of memory is better than you keeping it out of necessity. It’s a souvenir from the past, not an invitation to reopen it. Lila’s a great girl. She’ll understand.”
Tell her when she’s ready, Bristol. Let her deal with this huge truth bomb you just dropped. Be there for her when she has questions. And be there for her even if she doesn’t, or if she ultimately chooses to walk away. It’s your turn to show her the same grace that she’s shown you.
“Yeah, I hope so.”
Hayes and I sit in comforting silence for a bit—grateful for the one-on-one time amidst our two very busy schedules—and Ieventually end up changing the subject in a more than obvious manner. “So…you’re really married now, huh?”
Just a few months ago, Hayes proposed to Aeris on their third-year anniversary, and their celebration prompted the headlineHOCKEY HERO TO THE RESCUE AS INNOCENT GIRL CHOKES ON ENGAGEMENT RING.I told him he should’ve just given it to her the old-fashioned way, but he took a page from one of those over-the-top rom-coms to give her the most memorable night he could. He always goes above and beyond for Aeris.
A smile drifts over Hayes’ face, and he gets this dazed look in his eyes that tells me he’s currently thinking about his future wife. “I didn’t think she’d say yes,” he admits, a chuckle brimming in his throat.
“Dude, of course she’d say yes. You two are perfect for each other.”
“Did you ever expect me to get married?”
Honestly? Not at all. But saying “I actually expected you to become a sperm donor, parent hundreds of kids, then become a cave-dwelling hobo and live off the grid” isn’t really what I think he’s looking for.
“I thought for sure you were going to die before choosing monogamy,” I joke.
“I mean, I probably would have if it wasn’t for Aeris. I didn’t see a future before her. I was just…filling my emptiness with meaningless sex.”
I know about emptiness. And even though mine differs from Hayes’, I can still feel the hole in my chest that prays for something to fill it, afflicted by a new strain of heartache with a hundred percent fatality rate.
“I don’t feel as empty when I’m with Lila,” I murmur above the dissonance of night—above the chirp of crickets and a timid susurrus.
Hayes nods. “I know. I can see it in your eyes when you’re with her.”
