Page 9 of The Last Kind of Kiss
“I’m gonna quit,” I blurt out.
Hayes blinks slowly, mouth agape. He’s looking at me like the stupidest shit just came spewing out of my mouth in an exorcist-like word vomit. This is a rational, sensible decision. I’m going to abide by Lila’s request and do the right thing. Will this have repercussions that my team will have to suffer? Yes, but no ground will be lost. There’s no competition when it comes to Lila. Hell, the agency can choose some high-ranking F1 driver to go in my place. Jealousy be damned.
I know what Hayes is going to say—something along the lines ofYou’re being stupid right now. Don’t make decisions whenyou’re stupid. Or, my favorite,Get your head out of your ass before I have to come over there and dislodge it myself.
But while Hayes juggles with whatever he plans to say to change my mind, another voice interjects, uninvited and, frankly, from the last person I wanted involved in my mess. Kit skates over to us, sprays us in a flurry of ice shavings, and butts his way into the conversation like it’s our fault for having it without him.
“You’re not gonna quit,” he states resolutely, taking his helmet off and shaking his “tasteful” (his word, not mine) mullet back, pretty much flinging sweat everywhere like a wet dog. Yeah, I said mullet. I told him not to go through with it, but all he responded with was “Faye likes to have something to pull on at night,” complete with a disturbing growl that made me tingly in all thewrongways.
His girlfriend, Faye—who just so happens to be Hayes’ little sister—gave birth a few months ago to a beautiful baby girl whom the whole team is obsessed with. Everything’s changed. For one, Kit’s moved out of the house to uphold his stay-at-home-dad duties, and two, he’s definitely got a bit of a dad bod going on, but don’t tell him I said that.
I’ve never been around a newborn before—single child and all—but baby Eda’s surprisingly well-behaved. Pretty quiet; only cries when she’s hungry, tired, or needs to shit; and doesn’t do much else besides that. Faye’s genes must’ve been the more dominant ones because their kid doesn’t have any of Kit’s infuriating traits…at least, notyet.
Speaking of infuriating traits, Kit excels in giving unwanted advice. I know he means well, but his solutions usually end in one of us behind bars, or one of us deeply regretting a mistake that was fueled by too much liquid courage and some highly agreeable yes men.
“What are you talking about?” I question, drawing my browstogether. Hayes wears a matching look of confusion, and we just kind of stare at each other, unsure if it’s even wise to be entertaining any of this.
“You’re not quitting because you’re going to win her back,” Kit explains matter-of-factly.
“Huh?” I utter out loud, about a million different sirens flashing danger-red in my head.
Casen comes racing over to us, elbowing Kit and breaking out a suspiciously enthusiastic smile for someone I saw keel over from endurance drills half an hour ago. “Did you tell him the plan yet?” he asks.
I smear my hands down my face in exasperation. “You’re in on it too?”
“It was actually a group effort,” Gage chimes in, accompanied by Fulton, who was undoubtedly roped into this mess because—ahem—a few of the members of our group like to stir the pot.
They both take off their helmets, which means this ten-minute break is going to turn into a coach-unauthorized break that’ll more than likely end with us doing suicide drills on the ice.
“Of course this was your idea, Gage,” I groan, wishing I could disappear into the ground beneath me and exit this planet with the last remaining scraps of my chewed-up dignity. I can’t believe they ambushed me during practice. With nowhere to run! These shits planned it out.
“We’ve all collectively decided that it’s in your best interest to stick with the job,” Kit relays, encouraging everyone in the group to nod alongside him.
Maybe it’s because I’m running on four hours of sleep, but I erupt into maniacal laughter, the very end of my patience fraying into gossamer-thin strands. “When? When could you have possibly decided that?”
Hayes holds his right arm up like he’s taking an invisible oath. “Ihad no part in this.”
Kit sits down and offers a supportive hand on my shoulder, but there’s something that eclipses the pity in his ink-colored eyes, something that shines through a conglomeration of storm clouds—a silver lining, a sliver of faith wide enough to herald light. “Look, just hear us out, alright? Right now, your options aren’t looking that great. We just…we want to help you, Cap. And most importantly, you’d smack some sense into any of us if we got into this exact situation.”
I hate it when Kit’s right. I mean, I have nothing to lose if I listen to him. I’ve already lost the person who matters to me most.
“She doesn’t want me there.” I stare glossily at the concrete floor, so ashamed that I can barely look my own teammates in the eyes, and all that pent-up, self-directed anger comes flooding right back at me.
Lila probably feels ten times worse than I do. AndImade her feel that way.
“Do you still care about her?” Gage inquires.
“Yeah, but I?—”
“Then don’t you think you owe it to yourself and her to fight for what you had? To try and win her back?”
I shake my head. “That’s not what she wants.”
Gage points his stick at me. “What doyouwant?”
What doIwant? I want to be selfish and have Lila all to myself. I want to show her just how sorry I am, and I’ll work for the rest of my life to gain her forgiveness. I’ll work for the rest of my life to gain her trust again. I’ll do whatever it takes because losing Summit was painful enough, and I didn’t have a choice back then. But I have a choice now. I have a choice to hold on to Lila or let her go, and I’m tired of living my life with a heart half full.
When I ended things, I knew I did it out of fear. I knew I should’ve told Lila the truth about Summit. I’ve always wanted to fix things between us, but I was too…I was too much of a coward to take accountability for my mistakes. The minute I walked into that boardroom, I had a change of heart. Seeing her again, being near her, touching her, smelling her—it all brought back a past that I shouldn’t have run from. It brought back a past that healed me in ways I didn’t know was possible.
