Page 45 of The First Kind of Love
SHILOH:I’ll be fine, Ful. Go have fun with your friends.
FULTON:Absolutely not. Your well-being is my top priority. Do you want me to pick up anything? A cold compress? Ibuprofen? Ben & Jerry’s?
SHILOH:Please don’t throw away your plans for me. Really, I’ll just try and sleep it off. It’s not like I’m dying.
FULTON:Fuck it. I’m going to pick up everything just to be safe.
SHILOH:Fulton. *unamused face emoji*
FULTON:I want to be with you, Shi. I wouldn’t even have any fun tonight if you weren’t there.
SHILOH:I just feel bad…
FULTON:Don’t. I’ll be there in ten. Do you feel like watching a movie? Or do you just want me to hold you until you fall asleep?
SHILOH:My eyes burn. Can you just hold me?
FULTON:Of course, Sunshine.
SHILOH:Also, I’m wearing your hoodie. I’m sorry. All my nighttime shirts need to be washed.
FULTON:Never apologize for wearing my hoodie. It’s practically yours anyway. Not to mention that it looks way better on you.
SHILOH:Thanks, Ful.
SHILOH:Wait, could you also get some pizza?
FULTON:On it. I’ll make sure it’s cold by the time I get back.
SHILOH:You remember I like cold pizza? I told you that a long time ago.
FULTON:It was an important thing for me to remember.
SHILOH:I mean, it wasn’tthatimportant.
FULTON:It doesn’t matter.You’reimportant, therefore, your preferences are important. And my girl isn’t going to burn her tongue on hot pizza.
SHILOH:Your girl, huh?
FULTON:My girl.
15
SPIN THE BOTTLE
SHILOH
Ithink I’m on the verge of having a mental breakdown.
I’m supposed to be attending a big shot Reapers party later, but my hair is being a complete twat. In addition, I’m still riding the lowest of lows after having an existential crisis in a bridal shop of all places. Fulton brings out a different part of me when I’m around him—a part that’s not simply some cog in a machine. He brings out a part of me that I’ll lose once my feet hit good ol’ Californian dirt, and I can’t believe I thought I was going to be okay with that. How can I just return to my normal life after all of this?
Not to mention that Aeris’ alcohol-aided truth serum has only opened my eyes to the gravity of my relationship with him. This is real. It’s all happening too fast, but it’s fucking real. Fulton’s feelings are involved. My feelings are involved. And if I choose to end things when we get back home, not only will it hurt me, but it’ll hurt him a thousand times more.
Revlon was right when she said I never go after anything I want. I’ve never put my happiness above others. Why would I when the well-being of the people around me is more important?I don’t know what to do. For a girl who has a solution to every problem, I’m in complete limbo.
Despite the impending anxiety wriggling beneath my skin like fire ants, I dial my focus on the catastrophe tangling around the bristles of my incompetent hairbrush. I’ve pulled out enough hair to warrant a small bald spot. The heat and humidity have made every strand more brittle than my grandmother’s teeth, and her front one flaps in the wind like a goddamn saloon door. I don’t know whether to cry, scream, break something, or drown my sorrows in the minibar. I’m supposed to be ready in five minutes.
My buzz from the dress fitting earlier has worn off, and my makeup is only half done. I keep trying to replicate the wing of my eyeliner on both eyes, but the right one is unlevel with the left, and it’s noticeable. Oh, it’ssonoticeable. I’m starting to accumulate a little pile of sad, black-smeared makeup remover wipes.
