Page 95 of Lovesick
The only other person who silences the noise like this is Crew.
“I’m afraid to tell him, Mom. I care about Crew so much. I care about Dad. It feels like I’m being forced to choose between them.”
She pulls back. “Oh, sweetheart. Your father is hardheaded, but at the end of the day, you’re his whole world. All he wants is for you to be happy, and he thinks that the only way he can provide that happiness is to protect you from hurting. But if he knew how torn up you are about this situation, the last thing he’d want to do is make things worse,” she explains, buttering the truth on thick, consoling me when a cry wells in my throat.
I feel as if I’ve been peeled open like the husk of apomegranate, spilling out my blood-red innards. “I went behind both of your backs. I disobeyed you guys. Why are you being so forgiving?”
“I was young and reckless once. I did a lot worse at your age, trust me. So did your father. I know this seems like the end of the world, but it isn’t. Everything’s going to work out, and if you need me to talk some sense into your dad, I will. I can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been for you to tell me the truth.”
“It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.”
“I wish it wasn’t. I wish I’d given you the open line of dialogue that you deserved. Your father’s and my intentions were never to scare you into submission. We were just trying to put you in our shoes so you could understand how worried we were.”
My potpourri of thoughts is power-blasted by every repressed emotion that’s been gestating under the surface. There’s a powder line of anticipation trailing to my heart, and a single spark is about to light everything up.
“I can’t believe how selfish I was. It’s not just my life that I have to think about—it’s the impact on both of you if my health were to deteriorate,” I admit, and I wish I could return this pain to sender.
“You’re not selfish for wanting to live your life. We should’ve listened to you instead of giving you a ridiculous ultimatum. It wasn’t productive, it wasn’t fair, and most importantly, we should’ve nipped it in the bud the moment it started to hurt you.”
I didn’t expect my mom to apologize. Honestly, I didn’t expect her to admit that they could’ve handled things better. It feels so good to hear her say that. I feel…lighter.
But she isn’t the one who has a direct relationship with Crew.
God, this guilty sickness never ends. It won’t—not until Iextract the root cause of it. It’ll blacken my gums and chew a hole through my enamel. I don’t want to hurt anymore.
Next time, I promise to myself.Next time I see my dad, I’ll talk to him.
But Crew?—
He’ll understand, won’t he?
I wipe my face on the sleeve of Crew’s hoodie. If I’m off-loading every secret, I might as well continue with another one.
“I have something else to tell you: I was with Crew the day we fought. We…we snuck out. I’m so sorry. I left my phone in my bedroom so you couldn’t track my location. I just needed to get away.”
Laughter sweeps over my mother. “Oh, I know.”
I blink woodenly. “What?”
“Honey, there was a gigantic thud in your room. His car was across the street. I may be old, but it doesn’t take much for me to put two and two together.”
Shit. Did I really think that I could get away with hiding a man in my room?
“Why didn’t you stop me?” I exclaim.
“Because you finally found your safe place. I wasn’t about to take that away from you too.”
26
LOVING YOU SOFTLY WAS NEVER AN OPTION
MERIT
Nobody warned me that working with hockey players is like trying to herd a group of misbehaving toddlers.
The marketing class has divvied up jobs, including everything from setting up bidder registration, compiling a basket of hockey-themed goods to give away, designing promotional graphics to advertise the auction, and preparing the pavilion for the event. Whereas Irelyn, I, and a few select others are overseeing a practice run-through with the players.
“Places, people! We only have this space for an hour!” I shout, clutching my very professional clipboard to my chest and truly stepping into the role I was made for—bossing people around.
