Page 106 of Breakout
“Sure thing. As soon as we get to our seats.”
“I’m so nervous,” Grace admits, her arm hooked with Cora’s.
“Why?” I ask.
“I heard Brantley Gibson is here. He’s the owner of the Boston Foxes. He’s scouting to rebuild his team. I really want him to draft Clay. I will be happy wherever he goes, but if he were drafted here, I wouldn’t have to be without him. Selfish, I know,” she admits.
“Hey, it’s okay to be selfish,” Cora tells her. “I don’t understand why society believes we should always be so selfless and give up everything for everyone else all the time. I’m not saying you should be a selfish being who only thinks of yourself, but it’s okay to want things that will make your life better. It’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes. I will fully admit that when Kellan gets drafted, I hope he goes somewhere I can find a job as fulfilling as the one I have now. I don’t want to give up what I’m building, but I will for him. I only hope that I can be selfish and have my cake and eat it too.”
“Did you just get on your soapbox?” Grace teases.
“Fuck yeah, I did. Don’t ever feel bad for praying for something a little selfish. It would be better for you, but it would also be better for him. He loves you, and I know it would kill him to be away from you. Hell, he stayed in school partially because of you.”
“You’re not making this any better. I already feel guilty enough.”
“You shouldn’t. Clay only does what he wants to do. We all know that. Peyton, don’t you have anything to say?” she says as we make it to our seats.
“I understand where Grace is coming from. I’ve lived my entire life only depending on myself. I have always made selfish decisions because I have had no one else to rely on. Since I met all of you, I have had to figure out the balance between making decisions for myself and thinking of others. It hasn’t always been easy.”
“Damn. That’s depressing. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. That you have been so alone. You have us now,” Grace says.
“Yeah. You are stuck like glue, Peyton dear. You can’t ever get rid of us,” Cora adds.
My eyes start to tear up. “I know that now. Thank you, guys.”
“Here. Let’s get that boy’s number on you.” Cora pulls out her eyeliner, painting Beckett’s number on me.
“Peyton, I know you prefer to keep things to yourself, but you have to tell us. It’s been driving us insane. What is going on with you and Beckett?” Grace asks.
“We are married.”
It pops out without my permission.
Thankfully, they both laugh.
“Yeah right.” Cora pushes my shoulder. “Good one.”
Grace is practically in tears.
“Hey, it’s not that unthinkable,” I defend, starting to feel offended.
“I’m sorry, Pey. It’s not that we don’t think he would marry you. I think the man has been in love with you since the moment he laid his eyes on you. You’re just so closed off that I can’t imagine you lowering your walls for any man enough to let him in,” Cora says.
“We don’t mean to hurt your feelings. We love you as you are. It would just shock us if you married someone out of the bluelike that. Especially since you can’t even admit you like the guy most of the time.”
They aren’t wrong. It does make me feel like shit, though. Is this what it’s like for Beckett? Does he feel the same way about me?
“I like him,” I admit softly. “More than I should. I don’t know what to do with that, though. I have so much baggage. How long would he stick around once he realizes how much is weighing me down? I’ll never be the peppy girl, always happy and in love. I’ll always question what we have because I’ve never had anything in my life stick. I lost my parents so young that it irrevocably changed my life. I’m not sure I will ever be able to love someone the way they deserve.”
Grace moves to one side of me while Cora wraps her arm around me.
“Of course you will. It will take time, but when you find the right one, you will start to work through your issues. They will teach you things about yourself that you never knew. They will heal you,” Cora says.
“Yeah, they will help you find yourself, and together you will be stronger. Better. They will love all your insecurities away until you can’t even remember that you had them.”
“Love will heal you.”
“It sure will.”
