Page 52 of Breakout
“Oh yeah. I’m sure you like being married to the nutcase who married you for money basically.”
He flicks my nose, making me jump.
“Ow. What the hell, Beck?”
“First, don’t talk about yourself that way.” He leans forward, kissing me hard before pulling back. “Second, you are the most exciting thing that has ever happened in my life.”
“Beck, you can’t say things like that.”
He pulls away from me, getting out of bed. He keeps his back to me as he pulls on a shirt and some sweats.
“I know, Pey. I know, but waking up with you in my arms knowing that you should have my last name? It does things to a man. I won’t change the status quo because you don’t want me to, but…”
“But what?” I ask when he trails off.
My heart feels like it could beat right out of my chest. This is it. This is the moment he changes everything forever.
He doesn’t respond, instead collecting his phone and sliding it in his pocket. The hope in my chest starts to fall.
This isn’t my Beckett. Not that he’s mine, but he doesn’t act this way.
“Beck, what were you going to say?” I sit up in bed, crawling on my knees until I can grab his arm.
When he turns to look at me, I see the agony on his face a moment before he wipes his hand across it as if wiping it away.
“Beck…” I try again.
It kills me to know that something is hurting him. I shouldn’t care this much, but I do. I’m deluding myself into thinking that this is still a simple friends-with-benefits situation.
I married the man, for fuck’s sake.Yet, I still can’t let go of the safety blanket the title gives me.
I am a psychological mess. One who doesn’t deserve this man.
“Nothing. Never mind. The rules are there for a reason. You’re right. I’ll be downstairs. Wait a bit, then come down. I’ll tell them you are still sleeping.”
With that, he leaves the room without another word, and I’m left with the same old self-doubt and loathing.
I’ve been downstairs an hour with no Peyton. It’s killing me that I can’t be up in bed with her.
Kellan and Cora left sometime this morning. I guess she had class today.
So now instead of being warm and cozy in bed with my wife, I’m downstairs pouting because she doesn’t understand that my feelings for her are way more complex than she could ever fathom, and I’m the pussy too scared to tell her.
I fucked this all up.
“Things not go well last night?” Wyatt asks, plopping down on the couch next to me.
I let out a deep sigh. “Last night was fine. This morning not so much.”
He nods. “It will all work out, brother.”
“How can you be so sure?” I whisper, looking over my shoulder to be sure no one else is listening.
“I see the way she looks at you.”
I frown, looking down. “Her wanting me is not the problem.”
He smiles. “So you’re admitting it now. That it’s a thing.”
